Your time in this world…is up.

Maybe you went sky diving and forgot your chute. Or ate some bad clams. Or you got a really, really bad sunburn. In any case, you arrive at the pearly gates and the man upstairs asks why should he let you in? What did you do with your life? Which answer has a better shot at the express elevator up—saying you stretched aging celeb’s faces, inflated boobs and built bored housewives butt cheeks for a living? Or that you spent you days correcting seriously deformed, babies precious little punims so the natives don’t toss them in the river?

If you’ve got a medical degree and are board certified in plastic surgery, you can fix all the hair lips and congenital deformities you want. Like to travel? Secure your seat to exotic places like Vietnam, Guatemala, China, Egypt, India, Bolivia or Haiti. Organizations are always looking for a few good doctors to hop on board a no frills flight and spend a few fixing cleft lips and palates on kids and babies (and even a couple of lucky grown-ups who were tossed out by the angry village mob) for free. That’s right, you heard correct. There is no money in being a charitable surgeon. Nada. Nix. Zip. Zero. Null.

Are you sad now? Did you really think that there was some big organization out there that was going to pay you to help your fellow man? Well, don’t be a wuss. You can still be a hero and fix the smiles of hundreds, even thousands of sweet little orphan children.

You can even patch up folks in your own country. Despite all the claims that Obama-care has got everyone covered, there are still plenty of insurance companies out there that think repairing a teen’s crushed face is purely cosmetic and won’t foot the bill.

Charities like “Operation Smile,” “The Global Smile Foundation,” “Smile Train,” “Caring for Kids,” “The Breast Reconstruction Awareness Fund,” “Little Baby Face,” “Medical Missions for Children,” “Surgical Volunteers International,” and “Rotaplast” are just a few of the organizations that match needy patients with eager, big-hearted, empty-walleted cosmetic surgeons.

Operation Smile was on one of the first groups to get organized. It started unofficially in 1982 when Dr. Bill Magee and his wife Kathy took a small bunch of surgeons to the Philippines and fixed as many children’s cleft lips and cleft palates as they could. They were overwhelmed by the demand for reconstructive surgeons and got themselves organized. By the late ‘80’s they sent out surgeons on missions worldwide, covering Vietnam and Ghana. By the early 90’s, they added China, Panama and Romania, Russia, Nicaragua, Gaza/West Bank and more.

Who can afford to do this? Plenty of people. Er, some people.

Hopefully you. Plan A: Be born uber wealthy, get your fancy Harvard Med School degree, get board certified and then either have Mummy or Daddy create a charity in your name that you can travel the world with your scalpel and your Fodor’s Guide; or put your name on the list of every charitable plastic surgery organization and tell them you’re available.

Plan B: Take your fancy schmancy med school degree and your board certification and open up shop as an extremely successful cosmetic surgeon. Charge top dollar for all the boobs you can inflate and fat you can suck out of every rich, bored housewife within a seven yard radius. Then, take one week of your vacation (or two if you’re feeling generous) and go to China or Bolivia or something and fix a few hundred burnt, mutilated, deformed faces of innocent babies, children and grown-ups for free.

In addition to a medical degree, it will help if you speak a foreign language. Make that several. You will have interpreters but speaking the language might break down some cultural barriers, and you’ll need every edge you can find

. Aside from being a brilliant surgeon, you need to have physical stamina and a good bedside manner. It wouldn’t hurt to be exceedingly charming and good with kids. Think Patch Adams on a multicultural level.

Expect the locals to love and fear you, simultaneously. You are like one giant Coke bottle in their Diet Pepsi world. Many of these people have never seen a doctor before and now you’re operating on their kids. Know what Mama Bears do to protect their cubs from things they perceive as a threat? They eat them. Try to avoid any Heart of Darkness moments by being respectful of other cultures and very well groomed. Don’t wear a meat dress on the job. And if you’re invited to dinner, make sure you’re not on the menu (it’s a cookbook!).

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