The good news is that last night's Thai food was delicious. The bad news is that you're now in the hospital with a serious case of food poisoning.

You write a snarky and extremely negative review of a family-owned Italian restaurant. Your piece goes viral, and the eatery loses all of its business and is forced to close. You've singlehandedly put a dozen people out of work. Your mother would be so proud.

Your memories of the tasty BLT you enjoyed at a local eatery are marred when you discover that the restaurant has just been cited for Slime in the Ice Machine.

After years of struggling to build your reputation as a restaurant critic, you get a regular gig with a food-and-wine magazine. Now you can finally afford to see a doctor about that weird lump on your neck.

As the restaurant critic for The New York Times, you get to dine at the finest eateries in Manhattan, free of charge. Your incredible writing abilities land you a book deal, and you earn a tidy sum for your food memoir. Good thing you became a restaurant critic back in 1980, before the industry died.