Average caseload for a High School Counselor: 500 students. That means three things.

• First, they could potentially throw together one heck of a bingo game.
• Second, these people have lots of experience working with students just like you.
• Third, you had better not need any special or individualized attention, because therearen’t enough hours in the day. Science is working on it, but it’s harder than you might think to slow down the Earth’s orbit around the sun.

• Free help! Woot! High School Counselors are available to enrolled students at no extra charge. They won’t even accept tips. They also have tons of experience and are familiar with hundreds of colleges, so they can be a great resource. Some of the truly exceptional ones will even offer to go to college for you. Bless their hearts.

• Popularity is a double-edged sword. (Note: owning a double-edged sword tends to make you very popular.) Counselors often work with hundreds of students, and that number is growing every year. The average caseload for counselors in California is nearly1000 students, so don’t be offended if, in passing, they call you “Judith.” (This will make sense to all readers except those named Judith.)

• Private counselors cost money. Not just a bit of spare change either. An inexpensive counselor might set you back a couple of grand, while the in-demand superstars can charge more than $40,000 – pretty much what it costs to go to college for a year or two. So… hopefully you can find a private counselor who is also really good at teaching you how photosynthesis works. A two-birds-one-stone kinda deal.

• Individual, one-on-one attention. Just the way you like it. Private counselors will meet or speak with you regularly, rather than just when they can “squeeze you in,” and they’ll help you with college research, applications and essays. If you spent the summer running a bikini car wash, they’ll help you come up with the title“Automotive Cleaning and Visual Stimulation Facilitator.”

• The biggest distinguishing factor between private counselors and school counselors is that private counselors generally provide substantial help on your essays and often help with the final “packaging” on your overall application, while school counselors simply don’t have the time to do that for every student. Busy, busy bees they are.

• Money, money, money. Private counselors will cost you gobs of it. And sometimes the money you pay makes it difficult to make your own decisions when they disagree with you. Although… you could probably give them more money to change their mind on the matter…

• It’s important to remember that private counselors can make your application look better, but can’t redefine who you are or remake your high school career—there’s only so much anyone else can do to make you look good. Even Banana Republic has its limitations.