Original Text |
Translated Text |
| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library |
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Flourish. Enter King and Queen, Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern and Attendants. KING
Welcome, dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.
Moreover that we much did long to see you,
The need we have to use you did provoke
Our hasty sending. Something have you heard
Of Hamlet’s transformation, so call it, 5
Sith nor th’ exterior nor the inward man
Resembles that it was. What it should be,
More than his father’s death, that thus hath put him
So much from th’ understanding of himself
I cannot dream of. I entreat you both 10
That, being of so young days brought up with him
And sith so neighbored to his youth and havior,
That you vouchsafe your rest here in our court
Some little time, so by your companies
To draw him on to pleasures, and to gather 15
So much as from occasion you may glean,
Whether aught to us unknown afflicts him thus
That, opened, lies within our remedy. QUEEN
Good gentlemen, he hath much talked of you,
And sure I am two men there is not living 20
To whom he more adheres. If it will please you
To show us so much gentry and goodwill
As to expend your time with us awhile
For the supply and profit of our hope,
Your visitation shall receive such thanks 25
As fits a king’s remembrance. | Hamlet's cray-cray behavior has Claudius and Gertrude worried. In hopes of finding out what's going on with Hamlet, they invite two of Hamlet's school friends to stay with them in Denmark. They ask the friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, to report back to the King and Queen with any information they can gather, and Gertrude lets them know they'll be rewarded for their efforts. (Apparently, spying on your children is the thing to do around Denmark.) |
ROSENCRANTZ Both your Majesties
Might, by the sovereign power you have of us,
Put your dread pleasures more into command
Than to entreaty. 30 GUILDENSTERN But we both obey,
And here give up ourselves in the full bent
To lay our service freely at your feet,
To be commanded. KING
Thanks, Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern. 35 QUEEN
Thanks, Guildenstern and gentle Rosencrantz.
And I beseech you instantly to visit
My too much changèd son.—Go, some of you,
And bring these gentlemen where Hamlet is. GUILDENSTERN
Heavens make our presence and our practices 40
Pleasant and helpful to him! QUEEN Ay, amen! Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit
with some Attendants. | Guildenstern and Rosencrantz agree to snoop around—for Hamlet's benefit, of course...though we're sure the monetary reward is a helpful motivator, too. Gertrude and Claudius dismiss them and a few attendants take them away to see Hamlet. |
Enter Polonius. POLONIUS
Th’ ambassadors from Norway, my good lord,
Are joyfully returned. KING
Thou still hast been the father of good news. 45 POLONIUS
Have I, my lord? I assure my good liege
I hold my duty as I hold my soul,
Both to my God and to my gracious king,
And I do think, or else this brain of mine
Hunts not the trail of policy so sure 50
As it hath used to do, that I have found
The very cause of Hamlet’s lunacy. KING
O, speak of that! That do I long to hear. POLONIUS
Give first admittance to th’ ambassadors.
My news shall be the fruit to that great feast. 55 | Speaking of people who spy on their children, Polonius enters. He claims he has found the source of Hamlet's madness, but first, the King really ought to meet his ambassadors. |
KING
Thyself do grace to them and bring them in. Polonius exits. He tells me, my dear Gertrude, he hath found
The head and source of all your son’s distemper. QUEEN
I doubt it is no other but the main—
His father’s death and our o’erhasty marriage. 60 | Claudius agrees to see the ambassadors first, but can't resist telling Gertrude that Polonius has figured out what's bugging Hamlet. Gertrude is pretty sure it's the obvious: the fact that Hamlet's dad just died and that she and Claudius got married as soon as the funeral was over. |
KING
Well, we shall sift him. Enter Ambassadors Voltemand and Cornelius with
Polonius. Welcome, my good friends.
Say, Voltemand, what from our brother Norway? VOLTEMAND
Most fair return of greetings and desires.
Upon our first, he sent out to suppress 65
His nephew’s levies, which to him appeared
To be a preparation ’gainst the Polack,
But, better looked into, he truly found
It was against your Highness. Whereat, grieved
That so his sickness, age, and impotence 70
Was falsely borne in hand, sends out arrests
On Fortinbras, which he, in brief, obeys,
Receives rebuke from Norway, and, in fine,
Makes vow before his uncle never more
To give th’ assay of arms against your Majesty. 75
Whereon old Norway, overcome with joy,
Gives him three-score thousand crowns in annual
fee
And his commission to employ those soldiers,
So levied as before, against the Polack, 80
With an entreaty, herein further shown, He gives a paper. That it might please you to give quiet pass
Through your dominions for this enterprise,
On such regards of safety and allowance
As therein are set down. 85 KING It likes us well,
And, at our more considered time, we’ll read,
Answer, and think upon this business.
Meantime, we thank you for your well-took labor.
Go to your rest. At night we’ll feast together. 90
Most welcome home! Voltemand and Cornelius exit. | Voltemand and Cornelius enter, fresh from their Norwegian expedition. Turns out that Claudius is a successful diplomat; he has avoided war with Norway after all. Young Fortinbras—remember him from Act 1, Scene 1?—was planning to attack Denmark, but his uncle (the current king of Norway) had him arrested after he learned of his plans. Now Fortinbras has promised not to wage war against Denmark in order to take back the lands his dead father lost in a bet with Hamlet's dad. The King of Norway has forgiven his headstrong nephew, and has just one request of Claudius: that he allow Fortinbras to march through Denmark in order to attack Poland. Claudius says he'll give that request some thought, but overall, this is good news, and he's pleased. |
POLONIUS This business is well ended.
My liege, and madam, to expostulate
What majesty should be, what duty is,
Why day is day, night night, and time is time 95
Were nothing but to waste night, day, and time.
Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief. Your noble son is mad.
“Mad” call I it, for, to define true madness, 100
What is ’t but to be nothing else but mad?
But let that go. QUEEN More matter with less art. | With that business out of the way, Polonius says he'll get right to the point. It takes him eleven lines to say that he'll be brief, which leads Gertrude to say, "Out with it, already." |
POLONIUS
Madam, I swear I use no art at all.
That he’s mad, ’tis true; ’tis true ’tis pity, 105
And pity ’tis ’tis true—a foolish figure,
But farewell it, for I will use no art.
Mad let us grant him then, and now remains
That we find out the cause of this effect,
Or, rather say, the cause of this defect, 110
For this effect defective comes by cause.
Thus it remains, and the remainder thus.
Perpend.
I have a daughter (have while she is mine)
Who, in her duty and obedience, mark, 115
Hath given me this. Now gather and surmise.
He reads. "To the celestial, and my soul’s idol, the
most beautified Ophelia—"
That’s an ill phrase, a vile phrase; “beautified” is a
vile phrase. But you shall hear. Thus: He reads. 120
"In her excellent white bosom, these, etc.—" QUEEN Came this from Hamlet to her? POLONIUS
Good madam, stay awhile. I will be faithful.
He reads the letter.
"Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move, 125
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.
O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers. I have not
art to reckon my groans, but that I love thee best, O
most best, believe it. Adieu. 130
Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst
this machine is to him, Hamlet."
This, in obedience, hath my daughter shown me,
And more above, hath his solicitings,
As they fell out by time, by means, and place, 135
All given to mine ear. | Of course, getting to the point isn't exactly part of Polonius's skill set, but in another dozen lines he manages to get there. He informs Claudius and Gertrude that Hamlet has been driven mad by love for Ophelia. To prove his point, he reads some love letters that the Prince wrote about how sexy she is (seriously—he mentions her "excellent white bosom"). |
KING But how hath she received his love? POLONIUS What do you think of me? KING
As of a man faithful and honorable. POLONIUS
I would fain prove so. But what might you think, 140
When I had seen this hot love on the wing
(As I perceived it, I must tell you that,
Before my daughter told me), what might you,
Or my dear Majesty your queen here, think,
If I had played the desk or table-book 145
Or given my heart a winking, mute and dumb,
Or looked upon this love with idle sight?
What might you think? No, I went round to work,
And my young mistress thus I did bespeak:
“Lord Hamlet is a prince, out of thy star. 150
This must not be.” And then I prescripts gave her,
That she should lock herself from his resort,
Admit no messengers, receive no tokens;
Which done, she took the fruits of my advice,
And he, repelled (a short tale to make), 155
Fell into a sadness, then into a fast,
Thence to a watch, thence into a weakness,
Thence to a lightness, and, by this declension,
Into the madness wherein now he raves
And all we mourn for. 160 | Claudius asks how Ophelia responded to Hamlet's letters and flirtations, and Polonius makes sure they understand that he acted properly, as always. When he realized what was going on, he immediately told Ophelia that Hamlet, who is a prince, was out of her league and that she needed to shut him down. Of course, according to Polonius, this rejection by Ophelia led directly to Hamlet's mad behavior. |
KING, to Queen Do you think ’tis this? QUEEN It may be, very like. POLONIUS
Hath there been such a time (I would fain know
that)
That I have positively said “’Tis so,” 165
When it proved otherwise? KING Not that I know. | Claudius asks Gertrude if she thinks this could be what's bugging Hamlet, and she says, "I suppose." In a great example of dramatic irony, Polonius asks, "Have I ever been wrong?" Of course, we, as readers, know he's wrong right now, but the characters in the play don't. |
POLONIUS
Take this from this, if this be otherwise.
If circumstances lead me, I will find
Where truth is hid, though it were hid, indeed, 170
Within the center. KING How may we try it further? POLONIUS
You know sometimes he walks four hours together
Here in the lobby. QUEEN So he does indeed. 175 POLONIUS
At such a time I’ll loose my daughter to him.
To the King. Be you and I behind an arras then.
Mark the encounter. If he love her not,
And be not from his reason fall’n thereon,
Let me be no assistant for a state, 180
But keep a farm and carters. KING We will try it. | Polonius has a plan to prove his theory is correct. It involves...spying on their children. Specifically, he plans to set up a meeting between Hamlet and Ophelia, in the location where Hamlet has taken to pacing for up to four hours at a time, and watch what happens. |
Enter Hamlet reading on a book. QUEEN
But look where sadly the poor wretch comes
reading. POLONIUS
Away, I do beseech you both, away. 185
I’ll board him presently. O, give me leave. King and Queen exit with Attendants. How does my good Lord Hamlet? HAMLET Well, God-a-mercy. POLONIUS Do you know me, my lord? HAMLET Excellent well. You are a fishmonger. 190 POLONIUS Not I, my lord. HAMLET Then I would you were so honest a man. | When Hamlet enters reading a book, Polonius tells the King and Queen to skedaddle. He wants a chance to question Hamlet and get some more insight. They leave, and Polonius gets to work. Hamlet, however, has his own ruse going, so he deliberately misunderstands Polonius's questions. Polonius asks if Hamlet recognizes him, and Hamlet replies he knows him as a "fishmonger" (that's a guy who sells fish). When Polonius says he's not a fishmonger, Hamlet essentially says that's too bad. He wishes Polonius were as honest as a man selling fish. Maybe because a fishmonger is up to one thing, selling his wares, whereas Polonius is clearly scheming at the moment and not being straightforward with Hamlet. |
POLONIUS Honest, my lord? HAMLET Ay, sir. To be honest, as this world goes, is to
be one man picked out of ten thousand. 195 POLONIUS That’s very true, my lord. | Hamlet also quips that honest men are rare in this world, something Polonius agrees with. |
HAMLET For if the sun breed maggots in a dead
dog, being a good kissing carrion—Have you a
daughter? POLONIUS I have, my lord. 200 HAMLET Let her not walk i’ th’ sun. Conception is a
blessing, but, as your daughter may conceive,
friend, look to ’t. | Next, Hamlet moves on to a confusing bit about how the sun isn't particular about who it shines on. The sun, he says, is willing to
"kiss" even a dog's rotting flesh. Okay, so Hamlet's pretty down on the world and also quite intent on confusing the bejeezus out of Polonius. He changes subjects quickly by asking if Polonius has a daughter and then telling him to keep her out of the sun. Hamlet says that even though "conception," as in understanding, is a good thing, "conception," when it means getting pregnant, wouldn't be such a good thing for Ophelia. He's making fun of Polonius in two ways here: first, for not getting what's really going on, and second, for being crazy over-protective of his daughter. |
POLONIUS, aside How say you by that? Still harping on
my daughter. Yet he knew me not at first; he said I 205
was a fishmonger. He is far gone. And truly, in my
youth, I suffered much extremity for love, very near
this. I’ll speak to him again.—What do you read, my
lord? HAMLET Words, words, words. 210 | Polonius, who continues to not get it, can only focus on the fact that Hamlet has mentioned Ophelia. He takes this as a sign that he's on the right track and that it is indeed Hamlet's love of Ophelia that is driving him mad. Polonius decides he has to continue engaging Hamlet, so he asks what Hamlet is reading. Hamlet's reply is both literal (he is reading words, of course) and suggestive of another meaning: Polonius. Won't. Shut. Up. He keeps coming at Hamlet with more words, words, words. |
POLONIUS What is the matter, my lord? HAMLET Between who? POLONIUS I mean the matter that you read, my lord. HAMLET Slanders, sir; for the satirical rogue says here
that old men have gray beards, that their faces are 215
wrinkled, their eyes purging thick amber and
plum-tree gum, and that they have a plentiful lack of
wit, together with most weak hams; all which, sir,
though I most powerfully and potently believe, yet I
hold it not honesty to have it thus set down; for 220
yourself, sir, shall grow old as I am, if, like a crab,
you could go backward. | Polonius delves deeper and asks Hamlet what the words are about. Hamlet says it's about how foolish and disgusting old men are. Hamlet says that while he agrees with the assessment (a direct insult to Polonius), he doesn't think it's very nice that someone wrote it down. He adds that after all, Polonius would only be as old as Hamlet...if time went backwards. (If you want to watch a master at work, watch David Tennant—of Doctor Who and Jessica Jones fame—deliver these lines.) |
POLONIUS, aside Though this be madness, yet there is
method in ’t.—Will you walk out of the air, my lord? HAMLET Into my grave? 225 POLONIUS Indeed, that’s out of the air. Aside. How
pregnant sometimes his replies are! A happiness
that often madness hits on, which reason and
sanity could not so prosperously be delivered of. I
will leave him and suddenly contrive the means of 230
meeting between him and my daughter.—My lord,
I will take my leave of you. HAMLET You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I
will more willingly part withal—except my life,
except my life, except my life. 235 POLONIUS Fare you well, my lord. HAMLET, aside These tedious old fools. | Polonius is beginning to see that Hamlet is speaking in double entendres—a suspicion that is confirmed when Hamlet says he'd like to walk out of the fresh air and straight into his grave. Still, Polonius doesn't fully understand what's going on here. He decides the best thing to do is to proceed with his plan to send Ophelia to talk to Hamlet and then spy on them to see what happens. When Polonius offers to take leave of Hamlet, and Hamlet says there's nothing else Polonius could take that would make him happier, except, of course, his life. Polonius lets that one go, and as he leaves, Hamlet dismisses him as a tedious old fool. |
Enter Guildenstern and Rosencrantz. POLONIUS You go to seek the Lord Hamlet. There he is. ROSENCRANTZ, to Polonius God save you, sir. Polonius exits. GUILDENSTERN My honored lord. 240 ROSENCRANTZ My most dear lord. HAMLET My excellent good friends! How dost thou,
Guildenstern? Ah, Rosencrantz! Good lads, how do
you both? ROSENCRANTZ
As the indifferent children of the earth. 245 GUILDENSTERN
Happy in that we are not overhappy.
On Fortune’s cap, we are not the very button. HAMLET Nor the soles of her shoe? ROSENCRANTZ Neither, my lord. HAMLET Then you live about her waist, or in the 250
middle of her favors? GUILDENSTERN Faith, her privates we. HAMLET In the secret parts of Fortune? O, most true!
She is a strumpet. What news? | Next up on the "What's wrong with Hamlet?" tour: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. These two start out okay, and Hamlet seems genuinely happy to see them. They even joke about being in Fortune's private parts, since they're not at the top of their luck (which would be somewhere around the button in her cap) or down and out (which would put them at the soles of her shoes). They're right in the middle, which, as Guidenstern points out, would be right around her "privates." |
ROSENCRANTZ None, my lord, but that the world’s 255
grown honest. HAMLET Then is doomsday near. But your news is not
true. Let me question more in particular. What
have you, my good friends, deserved at the hands of
Fortune that she sends you to prison hither? 260 GUILDENSTERN Prison, my lord? HAMLET Denmark’s a prison. ROSENCRANTZ Then is the world one. HAMLET A goodly one, in which there are many confines,
wards, and dungeons, Denmark being one o’ 265
th’ worst. ROSENCRANTZ We think not so, my lord. HAMLET Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is
nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it
so. To me, it is a prison. 270 ROSENCRANTZ Why, then, your ambition makes it one.
’Tis too narrow for your mind. HAMLET O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and
count myself a king of infinite space, were it not
that I have bad dreams. 275 GUILDENSTERN Which dreams, indeed, are ambition,
for the very substance of the ambitious is merely
the shadow of a dream. HAMLET A dream itself is but a shadow. ROSENCRANTZ Truly, and I hold ambition of so airy 280
and light a quality that it is but a shadow’s shadow. HAMLET Then are our beggars bodies, and our monarchs
and outstretched heroes the beggars’ shadows.
Shall we to th’ court? For, by my fay, I cannot
reason. 285 ROSENCRANTZ/GUILDENSTERN We’ll wait upon you. HAMLET No such matter. I will not sort you with the
rest of my servants, for, to speak to you like an
honest man, I am most dreadfully attended. But,
in the beaten way of friendship, what make you at 290
Elsinore? ROSENCRANTZ To visit you, my lord, no other occasion. | Hamlet speaks pretty frankly with his friends, letting them know that he's unhappy and that he considers Denmark a prison. They try to console him, but Hamlet is a bit suspicious. He asks them what brought them to Elsinore, and they say they just wanted to visit him, nothing more. |
HAMLET Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks;
but I thank you, and sure, dear friends, my thanks
are too dear a halfpenny. Were you not sent for? 295
Is it your own inclining? Is it a free visitation?
Come, come, deal justly with me. Come, come; nay,
speak. GUILDENSTERN What should we say, my lord? HAMLET Anything but to th’ purpose. You were sent 300
for, and there is a kind of confession in your looks
which your modesties have not craft enough to
color. I know the good king and queen have sent for
you. ROSENCRANTZ To what end, my lord? 305 HAMLET That you must teach me. But let me conjure
you by the rights of our fellowship, by the consonancy
of our youth, by the obligation of our ever-preserved
love, and by what more dear a better
proposer can charge you withal: be even and direct 310
with me whether you were sent for or no. ROSENCRANTZ, to Guildenstern What say you? HAMLET, aside Nay, then, I have an eye of you.—If
you love me, hold not off. GUILDENSTERN My lord, we were sent for. 315 | Hamlet asks his buddies to come clean: they were sent for by the King and Queen, weren't they? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern try to avoid answering the question, but neither one of them has a very good poker face. Eventually they admit it. Yes, they came because the King and Queen sent for them. |
HAMLET I will tell you why; so shall my anticipation
prevent your discovery, and your secrecy to the
King and Queen molt no feather. I have of late, but
wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, forgone all
custom of exercises, and, indeed, it goes so heavily 320
with my disposition that this goodly frame, the
Earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most
excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o’erhanging
firmament, this majestical roof, fretted
with golden fire—why, it appeareth nothing to me 325
but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors.
What a piece of work is a man, how noble in
reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving
how express and admirable; in action how like
an angel, in apprehension how like a god: the 330
beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and
yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man
delights not me, no, nor women neither, though by
your smiling you seem to say so. | Hamlet says he'll save his buddies the trouble of spying on him and informing the King and Queen what's up. Here's the deal: he's depressed, everything sucks, and he takes no delight in either men or women. |
ROSENCRANTZ My lord, there was no such stuff in my 335
thoughts. HAMLET Why did you laugh, then, when I said “man
delights not me”? ROSENCRANTZ To think, my lord, if you delight not in
man, what Lenten entertainment the players shall 340
receive from you. We coted them on the way, and
hither are they coming to offer you service. | Rosencrantz has a bit of a giggle when Hamlet declared that men don't delight him, and Hamlet wants to know what's funny. Oh, it's just that there are a bunch of actors heading to the castle. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern passed them on their way there. |
HAMLET He that plays the king shall be welcome—his
Majesty shall have tribute on me. The adventurous
knight shall use his foil and target, the lover shall 345
not sigh gratis, the humorous man shall end his
part in peace, the clown shall make those laugh
whose lungs are tickle o’ th’ sear, and the lady
shall say her mind freely, or the blank verse shall
halt for ’t. What players are they? 350 ROSENCRANTZ Even those you were wont to take such
delight in, the tragedians of the city. HAMLET How chances it they travel? Their residence,
both in reputation and profit, was better both ways. | Hamlet expresses some interest in the actors and asks which troupe it is that's headed to the castle. Rosencrantz tells him it's the troupe he always enjoyed so much in the city, the ones who put on tragedies. "Huh, why are they traveling?" Hamlet asks. They have a good theater and a good reputation in the city. Seems like it would be more profitable for them to stay put. |
ROSENCRANTZ I think their inhibition comes by the 355
means of the late innovation. HAMLET Do they hold the same estimation they did
when I was in the city? Are they so followed? ROSENCRANTZ No, indeed are they not. HAMLET How comes it? Do they grow rusty? 360 ROSENCRANTZ Nay, their endeavor keeps in the wonted
pace. But there is, sir, an aerie of children, little
eyases, that cry out on the top of question and are
most tyrannically clapped for ’t. These are now the
fashion and so berattle the common stages (so 365
they call them) that many wearing rapiers are afraid
of goose quills and dare scarce come thither. HAMLET What, are they children? Who maintains ’em?
How are they escoted? Will they pursue the quality
no longer than they can sing? Will they not say 370
afterwards, if they should grow themselves to common
players (as it is most like, if their means are
no better), their writers do them wrong to make
them exclaim against their own succession? ROSENCRANTZ Faith, there has been much to-do on 375
both sides, and the nation holds it no sin to tar
them to controversy. There was for a while no
money bid for argument unless the poet and the
player went to cuffs in the question. HAMLET Is ’t possible? 380 GUILDENSTERN O, there has been much throwing
about of brains. HAMLET Do the boys carry it away? ROSENCRANTZ Ay, that they do, my lord—Hercules
and his load too. 385 HAMLET It is not very strange; for my uncle is King of
Denmark, and those that would make mouths at
him while my father lived give twenty, forty, fifty,
a hundred ducats apiece for his picture in little.
’Sblood, there is something in this more than natural, 390
if philosophy could find it out. | Rosencrantz says the actors are likely on the road because of a recent innovation: children's plays. Plays with child actors were all the rage in England at this time, which forced theater troupes featuring adults to take their shows on the road. Shakespeare was on the side of the grown up actors, and is making a little jab at the children's plays, especially when Rosencrantz refers to child actors as "little eyases" or, little hawks. Shakespeare also takes the chance to make fun of the folks that support the children's plays in Elizabethan England by having Hamlet compare child-play supporters to the men that used to make stupid faces at his Uncle Claudius, and now pay big money for little pictures of him. |
A flourish for the Players. GUILDENSTERN There are the players. HAMLET Gentlemen, you are welcome to Elsinore.
Your hands, come then. Th’ appurtenance of welcome
is fashion and ceremony. Let me comply 395
with you in this garb, lest my extent to the players,
which, I tell you, must show fairly outwards, should
more appear like entertainment than yours. You are
welcome. But my uncle-father and aunt-mother are
deceived. 400 GUILDENSTERN In what, my dear lord? HAMLET I am but mad north-north-west. When the
wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw. | Their conversation comes to an end when the players arrive. Hamlet tells Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that they are welcome to hang out, but that they should know Hamlet's "uncle-father and aunt-mother" are deceived. Hamlet isn't mad. Or rather, he's only mad when the wind blows from a certain direction. Otherwise, he can tell the difference between a hawk and a handsaw. Um...okay. This wind/hawk/handsaw business is another one of Hamlet's crazy comments about not being crazy that pretty much makes everyone else think he is, indeed, losing it. |
Enter Polonius. POLONIUS Well be with you, gentlemen. HAMLET Hark you, Guildenstern, and you too—at 405
each ear a hearer! That great baby you see there is
not yet out of his swaddling clouts. ROSENCRANTZ Haply he is the second time come to
them, for they say an old man is twice a child. HAMLET I will prophesy he comes to tell me of the 410
players; mark it.—You say right, sir, a Monday
morning, ’twas then indeed. POLONIUS My lord, I have news to tell you. HAMLET My lord, I have news to tell you: when Roscius
was an actor in Rome— 415 POLONIUS The actors are come hither, my lord. HAMLET Buzz, buzz. POLONIUS Upon my honor— HAMLET Then came each actor on his ass. POLONIUS The best actors in the world, either for 420
tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical,
historical-pastoral, tragical-historical,
tragical-comical-historical-pastoral, scene individable, or
poem unlimited. Seneca cannot be too heavy, nor
Plautus too light. For the law of writ and the liberty, 425
these are the only men. HAMLET O Jephthah, judge of Israel, what a treasure
hadst thou! POLONIUS What a treasure had he, my lord? HAMLET Why, 430
One fair daughter, and no more,
The which he lovèd passing well. POLONIUS, aside Still on my daughter. HAMLET Am I not i’ th’ right, old Jephthah? POLONIUS If you call me “Jephthah,” my lord: I have a 435
daughter that I love passing well. | When Polonius comes in, Hamlet mocks him openly, making fun of the fact that Polonius is coming in to tell him something he already knows: that the actors have arrived. When Polonius says he has news, Hamlet says, "So do I," and then begins to relate a bit of news so old it's about Roman times. Of course, Polonius's news isn't that old, but still, Hamlet's having fun at his expense and it goes right over Polonius's head. In fact, Polonius doesn't understand anything Hamlet says until Hamlet starts calling him Jephthah, judge of Israel. Jephthah is a character from Judges 11, of the King James Bible, who inadvertently offers up his only child, a virgin girl, as human sacrifice in exchange for winning a battle. And when Polonius picks up on that, he again thinks that Hamlet is still obsessing over Ophelia. Hamlet sure knows how to push Polonius's buttons. |
HAMLET Nay, that follows not. POLONIUS What follows then, my lord? HAMLET Why,
As by lot, God wot 440
and then, you know,
It came to pass, as most like it was—
the first row of the pious chanson will show you
more, for look where my abridgment comes. Enter the Players. You are welcome, masters; welcome all.—I am glad 445
to see thee well.—Welcome, good friends.—O my
old friend! Why, thy face is valanced since I saw thee
last. Com’st thou to beard me in Denmark?—What,
my young lady and mistress! By ’r Lady, your Ladyship
is nearer to heaven than when I saw you last, by 450
the altitude of a chopine. Pray God your voice, like a
piece of uncurrent gold, be not cracked within the
ring. Masters, you are all welcome. We’ll e’en to ’t
like French falconers, fly at anything we see. We’ll
have a speech straight. Come, give us a taste of your 455
quality. Come, a passionate speech. | Hamlet abruptly leaves off talking with Polonius when the players arrive. He's actually super excited to see them and he asks them to perform a speech right away. |
FIRST PLAYER What speech, my good lord? HAMLET I heard thee speak me a speech once, but it
was never acted, or, if it was, not above once; for
the play, I remember, pleased not the million: 460
’twas caviary to the general. But it was (as I
received it, and others whose judgments in such
matters cried in the top of mine) an excellent play,
well digested in the scenes, set down with as much
modesty as cunning. I remember one said there 465
were no sallets in the lines to make the matter
savory, nor no matter in the phrase that might indict
the author of affection, but called it an honest
method, as wholesome as sweet and, by very much,
more handsome than fine. One speech in ’t I 470
chiefly loved. ’Twas Aeneas’ tale to Dido, and
thereabout of it especially when he speaks of
Priam’s slaughter. If it live in your memory, begin at
this line—let me see, let me see: "The rugged Pyrrhus, like th’ Hyrcanian beast"— 475 ’tis not so; it begins with Pyrrhus: "The rugged Pyrrhus, he whose sable arms,
Black as his purpose, did the night resemble
When he lay couchèd in th’ ominous horse,
Hath now this dread and black complexion smeared 480
With heraldry more dismal. Head to foot,
Now is he total gules, horridly tricked
With blood of fathers, mothers, daughters, sons,
Baked and impasted with the parching streets,
That lend a tyrannous and a damnèd light 485
To their lord’s murder. Roasted in wrath and fire,
And thus o’ersizèd with coagulate gore,
With eyes like carbuncles, the hellish Pyrrhus
Old grandsire Priam seeks." So, proceed you. 490 | What speech does Hamlet want? One he's heard before; he thinks it was performed no more than once, because the vulgar masses couldn't appreciate it, though he and the critics did. (Hamlet's telling us here that he has a fine artistic sensibility, and a penchant for poetry, unlike the groundlings or, common folks that sat in the cheap seats at plays.) Turns out the speech Hamlet wants is the tale Aeneas told Dido about Priam's murder, all drawn from Virgil's Aeneid. It's a significant story because Pyrrhus, son of the warrior Achilles, comes to Troy in the Trojan horse to avenge the death of his father by killing Priam, King of Troy. (Hm, a son killing a king to avenge his dad?) Hamlet starts reciting the speech himself, then lets an actor take over. |
POLONIUS ’Fore God, my lord, well spoken, with good
accent and good discretion. FIRST PLAYER Anon he finds him
Striking too short at Greeks. His antique sword,
Rebellious to his arm, lies where it falls, 495
Repugnant to command. Unequal matched,
Pyrrhus at Priam drives, in rage strikes wide;
But with the whiff and wind of his fell sword
Th’ unnervèd father falls. Then senseless Ilium,
Seeming to feel this blow, with flaming top 500
Stoops to his base, and with a hideous crash
Takes prisoner Pyrrhus’ ear. For lo, his sword,
Which was declining on the milky head
Of reverend Priam, seemed i’ th’ air to stick.
So as a painted tyrant Pyrrhus stood 505
And, like a neutral to his will and matter,
Did nothing.
But as we often see against some storm
A silence in the heavens, the rack stand still,
The bold winds speechless, and the orb below 510
As hush as death, anon the dreadful thunder
Doth rend the region; so, after Pyrrhus’ pause,
Arousèd vengeance sets him new a-work,
And never did the Cyclops’ hammers fall
On Mars’s armor, forged for proof eterne, 515
With less remorse than Pyrrhus’ bleeding sword
Now falls on Priam.
Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune! All you gods
In general synod take away her power,
Break all the spokes and fellies from her wheel, 520
And bowl the round nave down the hill of heaven
As low as to the fiends! POLONIUS This is too long. HAMLET It shall to the barber’s with your beard.—
Prithee say on. He’s for a jig or a tale of bawdry, or 525
he sleeps. Say on; come to Hecuba. FIRST PLAYER
But who, ah woe, had seen the moblèd queen— HAMLET “The moblèd queen”? POLONIUS That’s good. “Moblèd queen” is good. FIRST PLAYER
Run barefoot up and down, threat’ning the flames 530
With bisson rheum, a clout upon that head
Where late the diadem stood, and for a robe,
About her lank and all o’erteemèd loins
A blanket, in the alarm of fear caught up—
Who this had seen, with tongue in venom steeped, 535
’Gainst Fortune’s state would treason have
pronounced.
But if the gods themselves did see her then
When she saw Pyrrhus make malicious sport
In mincing with his sword her husband’s limbs, 540
The instant burst of clamor that she made
(Unless things mortal move them not at all)
Would have made milch the burning eyes of heaven
And passion in the gods. | Polonius is impressed with Hamlet's recitation, and then the First Player takes over. The speech details Pyrrhus's dark, scary, blood-covered rage, which totally bores Polonius, who only likes the bits with dancing and sex. Eventually, we get to the part about Hecuba, Priam's wife, who's pretty upset by the whole thing. |
POLONIUS Look whe’er he has not turned his color and 545
has tears in ’s eyes. Prithee, no more. HAMLET ’Tis well. I’ll have thee speak out the rest of
this soon.—Good my lord, will you see the players
well bestowed? Do you hear, let them be well used,
for they are the abstract and brief chronicles of the 550
time. After your death you were better have a bad
epitaph than their ill report while you live. POLONIUS My lord, I will use them according to their
desert. HAMLET God’s bodykins, man, much better! Use every 555
man after his desert and who shall ’scape
whipping? Use them after your own honor and
dignity. The less they deserve, the more merit is in
your bounty. Take them in. POLONIUS Come, sirs. 560 | The actor gets so worked up by the description of Hecuba's emotion at her husband's death that he has tears in his eyes, and that's too much for Polonius. Hamlet, on the other hand, is impressed and looking forward to hearing more. He tells Polonius to provide the players with room and board and take excellent care of them. |
HAMLET Follow him, friends. We’ll hear a play
tomorrow. As Polonius and Players exit, Hamlet speaks to
the First Player. Dost thou hear me, old friend? Can
you play “The Murder of Gonzago”? FIRST PLAYER Ay, my lord. 565 HAMLET We’ll ha ’t tomorrow night. You could, for a
need, study a speech of some dozen or sixteen
lines, which I would set down and insert in ’t,
could you not? FIRST PLAYER Ay, my lord. 570 HAMLET Very well. Follow that lord—and look you
mock him not. First Player exits. My good friends,
I’ll leave you till night. You are welcome to Elsinore. ROSENCRANTZ Good my lord. | As most of the players follow Polonius out, Hamlet has a private confab with the main actor. He asks if they can perform The Murder of Gonzago for the court tomorrow night—with the little addition of a speech that Hamlet will write himself. The player agrees. (Hamlet is the prince, after all.) |
HAMLET
Ay, so, good-bye to you. 575 Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit. Now I am alone.
O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!
Is it not monstrous that this player here,
But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,
Could force his soul so to his own conceit 580
That from her working all his visage wanned,
Tears in his eyes, distraction in his aspect,
A broken voice, and his whole function suiting
With forms to his conceit—and all for nothing!
For Hecuba! 585
What’s Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
That he should weep for her? What would he do
Had he the motive and the cue for passion
That I have? He would drown the stage with tears
And cleave the general ear with horrid speech, 590
Make mad the guilty and appall the free,
Confound the ignorant and amaze indeed
The very faculties of eyes and ears. Yet I,
A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak
Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause, 595
And can say nothing—no, not for a king
Upon whose property and most dear life
A damned defeat was made. Am I a coward?
Who calls me “villain”? breaks my pate across?
Plucks off my beard and blows it in my face? 600
Tweaks me by the nose? gives me the lie i’ th’ throat
As deep as to the lungs? Who does me this?
Ha! ’Swounds, I should take it! For it cannot be
But I am pigeon-livered and lack gall
To make oppression bitter, or ere this 605
I should have fatted all the region kites
With this slave’s offal. Bloody, bawdy villain!
Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless
villain!
O vengeance! 610
Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave,
That I, the son of a dear father murdered,
Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell,
Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words
And fall a-cursing like a very drab, 615
A stallion! Fie upon ’t! Foh!
About, my brains!—Hum, I have heard
That guilty creatures sitting at a play
Have, by the very cunning of the scene,
Been struck so to the soul that presently 620
They have proclaimed their malefactions;
For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak
With most miraculous organ. I’ll have these players
Play something like the murder of my father
Before mine uncle. I’ll observe his looks; 625
I’ll tent him to the quick. If he do blench,
I know my course. The spirit that I have seen
May be a devil, and the devil hath power
T’ assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps,
Out of my weakness and my melancholy, 630
As he is very potent with such spirits,
Abuses me to damn me. I’ll have grounds
More relative than this. The play’s the thing
Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King. He exits. | Left alone, Hamlet berates himself for not yet having avenged his father's murder, in one of the most famous soliloquies...ever. (Watch David Tennant deliver it beautifully. It'll take you less than five minutes.) He basically asks how the actor can weep for a fictional character, while he himself does nothing about his own father's very real death. Hamlet calls himself a coward and a promiscuous woman (seriously) for not having acted on the ghost's revelation. Beyond his cowardice, he's ashamed that even when Heaven and Hell would have him take revenge, he can only prance about and whine. One thing that's holding him back is the fear that the ghost was lying—since, sometimes the devil takes a pleasing shape to ease a worried mind. Hamlet decides to have the actors stage a version of his father's death in front of Claudius so he can watch Claudius' reaction. If Claudius flips out, Hamlet can rest assured that he's guilty. And then he'll act. (Really. He will. He swears.) |