Romeo and Juliet: Act 2, Scene 4 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 4 of Romeo and Juliet from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

Original Text	Translated Text
Source: Folger Shakespeare Library
Enter Benvolio and Mercutio. MERCUTIO Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight? BENVOLIO Not to his father’s. I spoke with his man. MERCUTIO Why, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, 5 Torments him so that he will sure run mad.	Mercutio and Benvolio still haven't figured out where Romeo went after the party. They think he's going crazy somewhere thinking about Rosaline.
BENVOLIO Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet, Hath sent a letter to his father’s house. MERCUTIO A challenge, on my life. BENVOLIO Romeo will answer it. 10 MERCUTIO Any man that can write may answer a letter. BENVOLIO Nay, he will answer the letter’s master, how he dares, being dared.	It turns out that Tybalt has sent Romeo a message that goes something like this: "I'm going to beat you up with my sword." Benvolio is sure Romeo will write back to let Tybalt know if he's ready to rumble.
MERCUTIO Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead, stabbed with a white wench’s black eye, run 15 through the ear with a love-song, the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy’s butt shaft. And is he a man to encounter Tybalt?	Mercutio isn't so sure Romeo's up for a fight. He's already been slain, after all...by love. (Of course, Mercutio thinks it's love for Rosaline that's slowing Romeo down, but he's not exactly wrong here.) Plus, Mercutio adds, can Romeo really take on Tybalt?
BENVOLIO Why, what is Tybalt? MERCUTIO More than prince of cats. O, he’s the courageous 20 captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion. He rests his minim rests, one, two, and the third in your bosom—the very butcher of a silk button, a duelist, a duelist, a gentleman of the very first house 25 of the first and second cause. Ah, the immortal passado, the punto reverso, the hay! BENVOLIO The what? MERCUTIO The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting phantasimes, these new tuners of accent: “By 30 Jesu, a very good blade! A very tall man! A very good whore!” Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these “pardon-me” ’s, who stand so much on the new form 35 that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O their bones, their bones!	When Benvolio asks what the big deal is about Tybalt, it becomes clear that Mercutio was just setting himself up for a series of jabs at Tybalt. First, he calls Tybalt the Prince of Cats, which is a reference to a character from a medieval fairy tale. Mercutio also says that Tybalt takes himself and his sword fighting skills way too seriously and that he's super uptight.
Enter Romeo. BENVOLIO Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo. MERCUTIO Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the 40 numbers that Petrarch flowed in. Laura to his lady was a kitchen wench (marry, she had a better love to berhyme her), Dido a dowdy, Cleopatra a gypsy, Helen and Hero hildings and harlots, Thisbe a gray eye or so, but not to the purpose.—Signior Romeo, 45 bonjour. There’s a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.	When Romeo finally shows up, Mercutio expects him to start whining about Rosaline and saying how she makes famous beauties like Dido, Cleopatra, and Helen look like shmucks.
ROMEO Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? MERCUTIO The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive? 50 ROMEO Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great, and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.	When asked where he disappeared to last night, Romeo says he had serious business to take care of.
MERCUTIO That’s as much as to say such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams. 55 ROMEO Meaning, to curtsy.	Mercutio suggests (of course) that this "business" was of a sexual nature.
MERCUTIO Thou hast most kindly hit it. ROMEO A most courteous exposition.	And yes, when he says "hit it," Mercutio is making another reference to sex. As per usual, this is just the beginning of the banter between the boys of Verona.
MERCUTIO Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. ROMEO “Pink” for flower. 60 MERCUTIO Right. ROMEO Why, then is my pump well flowered. MERCUTIO Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, 65 solely singular. ROMEO O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness.	The fellas keep the trash talk going with puns on "pink flower" (a.k.a., female genitalia) and "pump" (a.k.a., shoe or penis).
MERCUTIO Come between us, good Benvolio. My wits faints. 70 ROMEO Switch and spurs, switch and spurs, or I’ll cry a match. MERCUTIO Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole 75 five. Was I with you there for the goose? ROMEO Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose. MERCUTIO I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. ROMEO Nay, good goose, bite not. 80 MERCUTIO Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce. ROMEO And is it not, then, well served into a sweet goose? MERCUTIO O, here’s a wit of cheveril that stretches 85 from an inch narrow to an ell broad. ROMEO I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.	Mercutio, who feels like he's losing the battle of wits with Romeo, calls for Benvolio to break it up, but Romeo wants to keep going. He says if Mercutio quits now, he (Romeo) will declare himself the winner. Mercutio can't have that, so they keep the verbal throwdown going.
MERCUTIO Why, is not this better now than groaning 90 for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo, now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature. For this driveling love is like a great natural that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. 95 BENVOLIO Stop there, stop there. MERCUTIO Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. BENVOLIO Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. MERCUTIO O, thou art deceived. I would have made it 100 short, for I was come to the whole depth of my tale and meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer.	Mercutio brings the talk back to sex when he says it's nice to see Romeo so playful again—not like before when he was so preoccupied with...there's no delicate way to say this...finding a place to "sheathe his sword," if you know what we mean. Benvolio tries to stop him there, but Mercutio gets in a few more erection jokes (with Benvolio's help).
Enter Nurse and her man Peter. ROMEO Here’s goodly gear. A sail, a sail! MERCUTIO Two, two—a shirt and a smock. 105 NURSE Peter. PETER Anon. NURSE My fan, Peter. MERCUTIO Good Peter, to hide her face, for her fan’s the fairer face. 110 NURSE God you good morrow, gentlemen. MERCUTIO God you good e’en, fair gentlewoman. NURSE Is it good e’en? MERCUTIO ’Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon. 115	As planned, the Nurse shows up to meet with Romeo. She looks ridiculous, apparently, and Mercutio can't resist flirting with her, mocking her, and talking dirty to her. He first says that the fan she's using should be used to cover her face since it's more attractive than she is. Then, when the Nurse questions him about the time of day, he manages to turn a description of a clock into a graphic portrayal of masturbation.
NURSE Out upon you! What a man are you? ROMEO One, gentlewoman, that God hath made, himself to mar. NURSE By my troth, it is well said: “for himself to mar,” quoth he? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me 120 where I may find the young Romeo? ROMEO I can tell you, but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him. I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. 125 NURSE You say well.	The Nurse is a bit taken aback, but lets them know she's looking for Romeo. Romeo identifies himself with a bit of wordplay that impresses the Nurse.
MERCUTIO Yea, is the worst well? Very well took, i’ faith, wisely, wisely. NURSE If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you. 130 BENVOLIO She will indite him to some supper. MERCUTIO A bawd, a bawd, a bawd. So ho! ROMEO What hast thou found? MERCUTIO No hare, sir, unless a hare, sir, in a Lenten pie that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. 135 Singing. An old hare hoar, And an old hare hoar, Is very good meat in Lent. But a hare that is hoar Is too much for a score 140 When it hoars ere it be spent. Romeo, will you come to your father’s? We’ll to dinner thither. ROMEO I will follow you. MERCUTIO Farewell, ancient lady. Farewell, lady, lady, 145 lady. Mercutio and Benvolio exit.	The Nurse tells Romeo she wants to chat with him in private, and Benvolio and Mercutio continue to make fun of her. Mercutio even goes so far as to call her an old, ugly prostitute by comparing her to stale rabbit meat, which is okay to eat if you can't find anything fresher. Then he casually says that he and Benvolio are headed over to Romeo's house for lunch. Romeo says he'll meet them there later.
NURSE I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery? ROMEO A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk and will speak more in a minute than he will 150 stand to in a month. NURSE An he speak anything against me, I’ll take him down, an he were lustier than he is, and twenty such jacks. An if I cannot, I’ll find those that shall. Scurvy knave, I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none 155 of his skains-mates. To Peter. And thou must stand by too and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure. PETER I saw no man use you at his pleasure. If I had, my weapon should quickly have been out. I warrant 160 you, I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.	The Nurse is understandably upset over this treatment. She thinks Peter (the servant) should have defended her, but he says he didn't see any real harm coming to her. If he had, he would have drawn his sword and the law would have been on his side. (Remember, no one wants to get caught fighting without good cause seeing as how the punishment is death.)
NURSE Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! To Romeo. Pray 165 you, sir, a word. And, as I told you, my young lady bid me inquire you out. What she bid me say, I will keep to myself. But first let me tell you, if you should lead her in a fool’s paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behavior, as they say. For 170 the gentlewoman is young; and therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing. ROMEO Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. 175 I protest unto thee— NURSE Good heart, and i’ faith I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman. ROMEO What wilt thou tell her, nurse? Thou dost not mark me. 180 NURSE I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer. ROMEO Bid her devise Some means to come to shrift this afternoon, And there she shall at Friar Lawrence’ cell 185 Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. Offering her money. NURSE No, truly, sir, not a penny. ROMEO Go to, I say you shall. NURSE This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.	Finally, the Nurse and Romeo get down to business. Romeo tell the Nurse that Juliet should find an excuse to come to Friar Lawrence's church that afternoon—where she will be married. He offers the Nurse some money for her trouble, but she declines it.
ROMEO And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall. 190 Within this hour my man shall be with thee And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair, Which to the high topgallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell. Be trusty, and I’ll quit thy pains. 195 Farewell. Commend me to thy mistress. NURSE Now, God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir. ROMEO What sayst thou, my dear nurse? NURSE Is your man secret? Did you ne’er hear say “Two may keep counsel, putting one away”? 200 ROMEO Warrant thee, my man’s as true as steel. NURSE Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord, Lord, when ’twas a little prating thing—O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard, but she, good soul, had as lief see a 205 toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer man, but I’ll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter? 210 ROMEO Ay, nurse, what of that? Both with an R. NURSE Ah, mocker, that’s the dog’s name. R is for the—No, I know it begins with some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it. 215 ROMEO Commend me to thy lady. NURSE Ay, a thousand times.—Peter. PETER Anon. NURSE Before and apace. They exit.	Romeo tells the Nurse he'll have someone meet her behind the abbey in an hour and give her a rope ladder that he can use to climb over the orchard wall to visit Juliet in secret. When the Nurse questions the wisdom of bringing another person into this plot (the guy delivering the ladder), Romeo assures her that the guy is trustworthy and he'll keep things quiet. Then the Nurse, babbling about how sweetly Juliet talks of Romeo, reveals her illiteracy. She asks what letter Romeo and rosemary starts with. When he tells her "R," she says that can't be it because that's the noise a dog makes.