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Description:

How's Julius Caesar doing after that whole "assassination" thing? Well, he's taking it one day at a time.

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:03

Julius Caesar a la shmoop hello my name is Julius Caesar and I'm [Julius Caesar speaking]

00:08

addicted to power well I feel better already

00:12

I'm so glad Pluto is putting money into these underworld self-help programs yeah

00:17

okay so now I'm supposed to tell my story right well I guess you could say I

00:21

hit rock bottom when some of the most prominent men in Rome got together and [Men stabbing Caesar]

00:26

decided to you know stab me to death yeah can I blame them of course I blame

00:31

them Cassius Brutus sniveling cowards I'll

00:34

crush your bones into what I mean well I only got what I deserved for trying to

00:40

gain total power over Rome with no reasoning yep totally what I meant yeah

00:45

sorry there guys anyway I'd just gotten back from

00:47

stomping my enemies the sons of Pompei and I was riding high on my victory the [Victory parade of Rome]

00:54

people loved me seriously they crammed the streets after that kind of reception

00:59

was it really so wrong of me to want to be Emperor come on the people who wanted

01:05

it the power was mine to be had mine mine mine oh I mean no um how terrible

01:11

of me to want to take advantage of the people's adoration to consolidate my

01:17

power and destroy the Roman Republic how could I so selfish but there's no

01:23

denying that my pride got the better of me a soothsayer even warned me too

01:30

yeah that's what they said and I was too full of myself to listen though I [Caesar throws man away]

01:34

probably would have paid more attention if he'd said anyway if I hadn't been so

01:46

busy thinking about how great I was I would have known that there was a

01:50

conspiracy coming against me Cassius was running all over Rome convincing other

01:54

senators that it'd be fun to turn me into a pincushion

01:58

he even turned Brutus against me Brutus my old buddy oh that one hurt well

02:04

Brutus didn't like that I was trying to take over Rome but he also couldn't like

02:08

idea of assassinating me yeah gee thanks pal but eventually Cassius brought him

02:12

around with the help of some fake letters from fake citizens with fake [Brutus reading letters]

02:17

concerns about my admittedly true tyrannical aspirations but come on do

02:23

tyrannical aspirations really deserve assassination maybe a timeout or no

02:28

dessert with dinner assassination just seems extreme here well by the time

02:32

March 15th rolls around Cassius had a platoon of senators itching to poke me

02:36

full of holes oh if only I hadn't been so full of myself while I would have

02:41

seen the signs you know that song [Caesar singing with Gaddafi and Hussein]

02:46

different song different sign too I even had warnings on the day of an old man

02:51

tried to pass me a note warning me of the assassination but he was old and

02:55

weird so I you know shoot him away well my wife told me she dreamt that I was a

03:00

statue spurting blood from lots of holes and I told her to stop eating cheese at

03:06

night seriously night cheese always gives her funky dreams and funky you

03:11

know other things and somehow I let one of the conspirators convince me that her [Conspiratory appears beside Caesar]

03:16

crazy dream meant well I was gonna be crowned king that day because all kings

03:21

spirt blood or something and I'm still fuzzy on the logic there but it sounded

03:26

good at the time I was spurting it was good good spurt needless to say things

03:30

went badly after that I showed up to the Senate and got stabbed to death in the [People stab Caesar]

03:34

middle of a speech and yet even Brutus got in on the skewering and the last

03:39

thing I heard was my wife yelling I told you it wasn't the cheese talking yeah

03:44

well rome was never the same and neither was the carpet blood stains are really

03:48

tough to get out well of course things didn't go so well for Brutus and Cassius

03:52

after I kicked the bucket my only real friend Marc Antony rallied the people

03:56

against them and as it turns out the people were totally cool with being

04:00

ruled by a tyrannical dictator as long as that tyrannical dictator was me it

04:05

all came to a boil in a battle between the armies of Cassius and Brutus and the [Soldiers marching to battle]

04:09

legions of Antony and Octavius my adopted son well long story short

04:14

Cassius and Brutus both ended up skewering themselves with their own

04:18

because they were bad swordsmen but because they suffered a humiliating

04:22

defeat ha if only they'd had a self-help group for total losers right yeah, I

04:28

mean I'm so sorry my actions caused them to suffer and oh whatever I'm not sorry [Caesar speaking in self-help group]

04:34

okay I actually appeared to Brutus as a ghost before the battle which you know

04:38

is kind of nice I sort of tried to warn him didn't I I'm not a completely

04:42

horrible guy and you know what power is awesome there I said it because of

04:48

everything I did while my name still means something it's synonymous with

04:53

power glory and a really nice salad and well what I asked could be better than

04:59

that take that Arnold Palmer....

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