"It's a bird, it's a plane...no, it's—oh wait, yeah, it's a just plane. False alarm." (Source)

Everyday plane travel is not very exciting—and that's a good thing. We don't want it to be exciting; exciting means a metal tube full of screaming passengers spiraling from the clouds into the sea. 

No, we like it boring: step aboard, sit down, have a limited but friendly conversation with a 140-pound businessman who doesn't hog the armrest, disembark, and then go about our day. When that does happen, there's someone who probably deserves a thank you card: the flight's aviation safety inspector.

ASIs (as they're often called by both the FAA and people who really dig acronyms) are highly trained professionals capable of handling a hundred things at once. They inspect planes, airport procedures, and staff. They attend safety seminars, investigate plane crashes, and keep up to date with every single aspect of the labyrinthine jungle planet of bureaucracy that is the Federal Aviation Administration. Sound like a lot? Well, it is.

Fortunately for those of us actually riding in those planes, the FAA seems to pay ASIs well enough to keep managing it. Right now, the average inspector is banking about $86,500 a year, while the most experienced of the bunch are breaching the $120,000 mark (source). 

If the sight of that salary has you pining for a shiny safety badge of your own, just be sure to remember what Alternate-Universe-Trust-Fund-Baby Spiderman's uncle said before you sign up: "With great spending power comes great responsibility." And hoo-boy, it's a lot of responsibility.

With thousands of lives on the line every day, nothing about a plane can be left to chance, and it takes a very special sort of person to make sure those chances are left un-chanced. We're talking about the sort of person who orders post-it notes by the case, who keeps a minute-to-minute instead of a day-to-day calendar, who has checklists for her many checklists.

 

The sandwich will still be there after you've made sure the next 259 screws are properly tightened. (Source)

That sort of attention to detail means a truckload—er, planeload? —of stress. Sure, you've looked at the same landing gear rig on a million planes a million times already, and man are you looking forward to that BLT you've packed yourself for lunch. 

Your father-in-law (who hates your guts) is in town, and you've just remembered that you forgot to pay the electric bill yesterday. None of it matters. If you miss a single loosened screw today it could mean death or injury for hundreds of unsuspecting passengers. You need to be 100% in the zone 100% of the time.

Of course, the FAA isn't going to trust just anybody with that sort of job. If you want to inspect the pilots, you'll need to be a pilot. If you want to inspect mechanics, you'll need to be a mechanic. Either way you go, you're going to need two or more years of certifications and training, along with three years of holding that paperwork before they'll even consider handing you a badge. (Yes, you actually get a badge.)

Nobody besides King Kong likes to see a plane go down. Join the FAA, become an inspector, and you can be one of the few who makes sure it doesn't happen. Just, you know, do us a favor and pay attention to your schooling along the way. Okay?

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