Your Honor, distinguished jury, TMZ news—we will prove without a doubt that the murder was done by none other than...Mrs. Plum, in the billiard room, with a candlestick.

You'll be prosecuting some big baddies, working for the DOJ; however, most murders are prosecuted by state and county, not federal courts. (Source) 

If you're good at thinking quick on your feet, really like arguing, happen to be very good at it, and don't mind living on about $56,000 a year, then you could be a contender for a job with the big guys—The Federal Justice System.

Be aware, it will require many years of study. You'll have to go to law school after you get your bachelor's degree. Luckily, you can major in anything as an undergrad, though you might have better luck getting into Harvard majoring in pre-law rather than art history. Then you'll have to ace the bar and work for a year or two for a local prosecutor or as a judicial law clerk. Easy peasy...well, not really, but if you're going to be a federal prosecutor, then we have no doubt that you're brainy enough to handle it.

What Do Federal Prosecutors Actually Do?

Federal prosecutors go after federal crimes. The big ones.

They're way bigger than the piddly D.A.s who work for the state.

Federal prosecutors can work for either the U.S. Justice Department (a.k.a. the DOJ, or "Main Justice") or the U.S. attorney's office as an assistant U.S. attorney (AUSA), also part of the DOJ.

U.S. attorneys report to the U.S. attorney general. They are government officials appointed by the big man himself: The President.

Sure, the pay's a little low (more on that later), however, assistant U.S. attorneys come from the best and brightest law schools and compete viciously to get one of these jobs because, let's face it, putting away major criminals is way cool.

A Federal Prosecutor Handles Cases That Deal With:

• Terrorism
• Interstate Kidnapping
• Murder if federal law enforcement is involved
• Drug Trafficking
• Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO)
• Fraud
• Civil Rights
• Political Corruption

All the stuff of a Shondra Rhimes TV series, basically.

Federal prosecutors are the action heroes of the legal profession. They're defending the nation and American people with liberty and justice for all.

For this—we'll remind you—that you'll be making about $56,000 a year, for starters. Oh well, that should cover your dry cleaning bill. Besides, superheroes never do it for the money.

They do it so they can later run for political office, duh.

But why else?

How could anyone not find this charming? (Source)

Basically, you can be a federal prosecutor and live anywhere in the country.

Well..you can live anywhere in the United States at least. While the DOJ is based in Washington, D.C., there are ninety-three U.S. attorney's offices that hire AUSAs—one for each district, excluding Guam and the North Mariana Islands, where one lucky gal covers both. We hope she takes plenty of tugboat trips between islands, because wouldn't that be awesome?

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