Greeting card writing has quite an appeal
If you happen to find paying rent no big deal.

Lying in bed, writing all day
But here's the big question: Will it pay?

No.

 

Hmmm...Pursue your interests in rocket science, or greeting cards? (Source)

Unless you live in a shoebox, writing greeting cards won't pay your rent. Whether in the form of flat fee, licensing fee, or royalty (if you're lucky), compensation per card is around $25 to $150. Those rates may even be hard to come by as the greeting card industry slowly dies at the hands of the internet and its ever-changing social media platforms.

Does that mean you shouldn't drop out of college and abandon all your other and more potentially lucrative interests in order to follow your dream of one day seeing your greeting card lyric or joke in the aisle of a huge drugstore?

Uh, yeah. Probably.

Still, there are a small and unenviable group of people who might enjoy this career. First, you need an aversion—allergy, even—to offices and business casual wardrobes. This is a job for people who hate nine-to-five schedules, like wearing their pajamas all day, and consider that citron pique polo bought on sale from Old Navy in 2006 "dressing up."

 

Crochet: the alternative pastime of all avid greeting card writers. (Source)

Second, you'll need a bizarrely outdated and thoroughly 19th-century appreciation and passion for greeting cards. Do you have a pair of crafts-y, quilt-making, lampshade-decoupaging aunts who know their way around the local Hallmark store? That's the vibe you should go for.

Finally, you'll not only need to read and write English (which, clearly, you do), but possess some degree of wit and humor. And if you're interested in e-cards, bonus points for knowledge of flash animation or computer programming.

If you have or do all of the above and submit properly formatted ideas and pitches to small greeting card publishing companies, then success will follow in the form of a one-time, $100 paycheck. Down the line, if you're really fortunate, this could turn into a recurring gig. After all, many publishing companies only hire you if you can demonstrate twelve, twenty four, to forty-eight original card ideas (source). 

But most likely, down the line you'll just plain lose your job. Though the modern greeting card constitutes an $8 billion industry, that $8 billion is rapidly shrinking (source). Even the industry giant Hallmark has seen a more than 50% reduction in global employment over the last ten years (source). 

People become greeting card writers for one of two reasons: They want to, or they have to. If they want to write greeting cards, they're usually a unique old-soul for whom the money is just a kicker. But if they write greeting cards because they need the money, watch out. 

That group includes aspiring poets looking for tomorrow's lunch money, witty folks with gifts for puns and one-liners (but not enough gumption to put together a full comedy set), or freelance writers who would have a book deal by now but aren't quite ready for the big time.

Or, option (c). Upon their death, a pair of wealthy, greeting-card-loving aunts left their nephew—and aspiring greeting card writer—a healthy inheritance, enough to live comfortably and eat well, all whilst producing powerfully bland, slightly witty greeting cards. 

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