Before we delve into the ins and outs of guiding tours, let's pause and ruminate on all of the delightful and memorable moments we've had under the supervision and tutelage of trained tour guides. There are so many good ones, right? That's probably why you wanted to get into this in the first place. A high quality tour guide can make a lasting impression.

 

"That's a tree!" (Source)

Either that or you just want to be able to say things about stuff you can point at and get paid for it.

If you're like most people, at some point during your upbringing you were dragged by parents or teachers or counselors on a long, informative, and probably boring trek to a museum, a state capital, or a national park. 

These trips were always made for those dreaded educational purposes. And they often included a guided tour lead by a strangely-dressed and overly chipper professional averaging $26,000 a year to entertain you with anecdotes for a few hours (source). 

At least, that's the guide you got if you were lucky. 

If you weren't lucky, you had a guide that made Old Man Jenkins seem like a delightful young sprat. He was passingly knowledgeable but not exactly an electrifying speaker, yet you had to listen to him blather unendingly at you about the architecture, or the artist's tragic demise, or how many years it takes to form a stalactite. Maybe proving you can do it better is reason enough to try.

Tour guides may not generally be appreciated by the young and hip. But no biggie, because you are hip—the kind of hip where every single one of your tour groups will walk away from the exhibit going, "Man, I never knew Pre-Colombian Mesoamerican Art could be so cool."

It's all about those small victories. Besides, the people you'll really have to impress are the adult groups. For one thing, unlike rowdy groups of noisy schoolchildren, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson actually have a steady paycheck. This means they can afford to go on tours and to tip you if they deem you deserving. (Or if they're the ones who brought the rambunctious kids, they might take pity on you.)

 

Enjoy the tour, and if you touch anything we'll break your face. (Source)

The ultimate goal here is to be as knowledgeable, informative, and personable as you can be. Even if you want to scream at a kid who tries to stick her gum on a painting, try to keep that all on the inside and gently remind the child not to touch what doesn't belong to her.

It's also worth noting that appearing knowledgeable is easier to do if—follow closely here—you actually are knowledgeable on your subject matter. We're not being flippant about this. There are literally thousands of tours given of historically significant places or about historically, scientifically, or technologically significant artifacts. Pick something you have a working knowledge of and natural interest in, and you'll be a lot better off.

Your experiences with actual tour guidance will vary widely. You'll have some well-mannered groups that respond well, ask questions, and generally seem to appreciate what you're doing. 

Occasionally, you'll get groups made up of whiners who are displeased to learn you can't answer their ridiculous questions about whether or not George Washington ever rode any of the dinosaurs, or if he just trained them instead. For these groups, you'll just have to have your best smile-and-nod prepared ahead of time.

A career as a tour guide will undoubtedly have its share of ups and downs. But that's really just a career thing, not something that's unique to tour guides. 

Even with the occasional fool or extremely seasick guest to deal with, there are plenty of groups that are thrilled to learn and see all you have in store for them. Being a tour guide is kind of like being a teacher—except every day's a field trip, and once the kids are gone you never have to see them again.

P.S. You probably shouldn't show this to any teachers you know. We need them to keep up with their invaluable, if slightly more immersive, interactions with the young whipper-snappers out there.

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