First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, if you have racked up too many negligent driver points, your license will either be suspended or revoked by the BMV. You can apply for a new license at the end of this period, and hopefully you’ve changed your ways by then. Oh, sure, it starts with a few minor traffic violations here and there, but before you know it you’ll be committing grand larceny, bank fraud, and/or treason. We just don’t want to start seeing your name in the paper. Unless it’s for inventing some useful electronic gadget, or winning a peace prize. That would be pretty cool.

Each time you have a mark on your record, it stays there for 24 months (or longer, if you did something really shady). Drivers who accumulate 18 points in a 24-month period must attend an administrative hearing and can be put or probation or have their license suspended. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes, you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Like a Vandal in the Wind

If you absolutely must destroy something, either break a pencil or beat up on your pillow. It’s far too costly to be caught doing anything worse, such as spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a bridge or keying your ex-boyfriend’s Mustang. If already licensed, you can lose your license for a couple years; if you’re not there yet, you can have the issuance of your license delayed for several years. And you’re going to need your license, because it sounds like you’ll have to be doing a lot of running from the authorities.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

2-pointers

• Speeding 1-15mph over the posted speed limit
• Failure to use headlights
• No brake or signal lights
• Any slam dunk, layup, or shot made from inside the 3-point arc

4-pointers

• Speeding 16-25mph over the posted speed limit
• Improper motorcycle headgear
• Improper motorcycle passenger
• Improper U-turn
• Unsafe lane movement

6-pointers

• Speeding 26+mph over the posted speed limit
• Disregarding a stop sign or yield sign
• Failure to yield to another vehicle
• Following another vehicle too closely

8-pointers

• Driving while suspended
• Failure to yield to an emergency vehicle
• Speed contest on road