Original Text |
Translated Text |
| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library |
|
Enter King John, Queen Eleanor, Pembroke, Essex, and
Salisbury, with the Chatillion of France. KING JOHN
Now say, Chatillion, what would France with us? CHATILLION
Thus, after greeting, speaks the King of France
In my behavior to the majesty,
The borrowed majesty, of England here. QUEEN ELEANOR
A strange beginning: “borrowed majesty”! 5 KING JOHN
Silence, good mother. Hear the embassy. CHATILLION
Philip of France, in right and true behalf
Of thy deceasèd brother Geoffrey’s son,
Arthur Plantagenet, lays most lawful claim
To this fair island and the territories, 10
To Ireland, Poitiers, Anjou, Touraine, Maine,
Desiring thee to lay aside the sword
Which sways usurpingly these several titles,
And put the same into young Arthur’s hand,
Thy nephew and right royal sovereign. 15 KING JOHN
What follows if we disallow of this? CHATILLION
The proud control of fierce and bloody war,
To enforce these rights so forcibly withheld. KING JOHN
Here have we war for war and blood for blood,
Controlment for controlment: so answer France. 20 CHATILLION
Then take my king’s defiance from my mouth,
The farthest limit of my embassy. KING JOHN
Bear mine to him, and so depart in peace.
Be thou as lightning in the eyes of France,
For ere thou canst report, I will be there; 25
The thunder of my cannon shall be heard.
So, hence. Be thou the trumpet of our wrath
And sullen presage of your own decay.—
An honorable conduct let him have.
Pembroke, look to ’t.—Farewell, Chatillion. 30 Chatillion and Pembroke exit. | At the royal court of England, King John chills out on his big, shiny throne, surrounded by his posse. Châtillon, the snooty French ambassador, has a message from King Philip of France: Philip doesn't think John has a legal right to the throne and wants him to step down ASAP. Better yet, King John should just go ahead and fork over the English crown and a bunch of territories to John's young nephew, Arthur, who should have inherited the throne. Like any self-respecting English monarch would, King John politely tells the French ambassador to take a hike. Oh yeah, and he also says that he's going to invade France himself, just to teach that nasty French king a lesson. Before Châtillon leaves, King John tells him to hurry on home because the English army will be on France's doorstep faster than you can say "cannonball." (Oh, snap!) |
QUEEN ELEANOR, aside to King John
What now, my son! Have I not ever said
How that ambitious Constance would not cease
Till she had kindled France and all the world
Upon the right and party of her son?
This might have been prevented and made whole 35
With very easy arguments of love,
Which now the manage of two kingdoms must
With fearful bloody issue arbitrate. KING JOHN, aside to Queen Eleanor
Our strong possession and our right for us. QUEEN ELEANOR, aside to King John
Your strong possession much more than your right, 40
Or else it must go wrong with you and me—
So much my conscience whispers in your ear,
Which none but God and you and I shall hear. | Once the French ambassador is gone, Queen Eleanor chimes in. She says this is all that "ambitious" Constance's fault. Constance is Arthur's mom, and she really wants her little boy to be king. We'll meet her later. Queen Eleanor's also not crazy about her son going to war over what should be a private family matter, and she's not afraid to tell him about it.
|
Enter a Sheriff, who speaks aside to Essex. ESSEX
My liege, here is the strangest controversy
Come from the country to be judged by you 45
That e’er I heard. Shall I produce the men? KING JOHN
Let them approach. Sheriff exits.
Our abbeys and our priories shall pay
This expedition’s charge. Enter Robert Faulconbridge and Philip Faulconbridge. What men are you? 50 PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Your faithful subject I, a gentleman,
Born in Northamptonshire, and eldest son,
As I suppose, to Robert Faulconbridge,
A soldier, by the honor-giving hand
Of Coeur de Lion knighted in the field. 55 KING JOHN, to Robert Faulconbridge
What art thou? ROBERT FAULCONBRIDGE
The son and heir to that same Faulconbridge. KING JOHN
Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
You came not of one mother then, it seems. PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Most certain of one mother, mighty king— I
That is well known—and, as I think, one father.
But for the certain knowledge of that truth
I put you o’er to heaven and to my mother.
Of that I doubt, as all men’s children may. QUEEN ELEANOR
Out on thee, rude man! Thou dost shame thy 65
mother
And wound her honor with this diffidence. PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
I, madam? No, I have no reason for it.
That is my brother’s plea, and none of mine,
The which if he can prove, he pops me out 70
At least from fair five hundred pound a year.
Heaven guard my mother’s honor and my land! KING JOHN
A good blunt fellow.—Why, being younger born,
Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance? PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
I know not why, except to get the land. 75
But once he slandered me with bastardy.
But whe’er I be as true begot or no,
That still I lay upon my mother’s head.
But that I am as well begot, my liege—
Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!— 80
Compare our faces and be judge yourself.
If old Sir Robert did beget us both
And were our father, and this son like him,
O, old Sir Robert, father, on my knee
I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee! 85 KING JOHN
Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here! | At this point, the Earl of Essex (one of the English noblemen) announces that two people have come from the countryside to have the king settle a dispute. "Sure. Why not?" says our King. Then he makes a side comment about how he's going to let the monasteries pay for his war with France. That's Shakespeare's big shout-out to the historical King John's famous habit of increasing taxes. In come the plaintiff and the defendant: Robert Faulconbridge and his older brother Philip. As it turns out, the case totally belongs in front of someone like Judge Judy. The defendant, a guy named "Philip the Bastard" (not to be confused with King Philip of France) claims to be the firstborn son of a dead guy named Robert Faulconbridge Sr.—and therefore the rightful heir to his wealth. The plaintiff, Robert Faulconbridge, Jr., claims that Philip had another father and is thus a bastard without any legal right to inherit from Robert Faulconbridge, Sr. Brain Snack: This whole showdown between Philip the Bastard and Robert is about something called primogeniture, the system by which the eldest legitimate sons inherits all his father's wealth, titles, lands, power, debt, etc. In other words, younger brothers, "bastards," and daughters usually get shafted. Because Philip is a "bastard," his little brother Robert thinks he shouldn't get all his dead dad's money. If you've read King Lear, then you know that Shakespeare's kind of obsessed with primogeniture and "bastards." |
QUEEN ELEANOR, aside to King John
He hath a trick of Coeur de Lion’s face;
The accent of his tongue affecteth him.
Do you not read some tokens of my son
In the large composition of this man? 90 KING JOHN, aside to Queen Eleanor
Mine eye hath well examinèd his parts
And finds them perfect Richard. To Robert
Faulconbridge Sirrah, speak.
What doth move you to claim your brother’s land? PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Because he hath a half-face, like my father. 95
With half that face would he have all my land—
A half-faced groat five hundred pound a year! | While Philip is talking, Queen Eleanor and King John are all, "Gee, that Philip sure does look a lot like King Richard I." Richard I would be John's dead brother and Queen Eleanor's dead son. |
ROBERT FAULCONBRIDGE
My gracious liege, when that my father lived,
Your brother did employ my father much— PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land. 100
Your tale must be how he employed my mother. ROBERT FAULCONBRIDGE
And once dispatched him in an embassy
To Germany, there with the Emperor
To treat of high affairs touching that time.
Th’ advantage of his absence took the King 105
And in the meantime sojourned at my father’s;
Where how he did prevail I shame to speak.
But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
Between my father and my mother lay,
As I have heard my father speak himself, 110
When this same lusty gentleman was got.
Upon his deathbed he by will bequeathed
His lands to me, and took it on his death
That this my mother’s son was none of his;
An if he were, he came into the world 115
Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.
Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
My father’s land, as was my father’s will. KING JOHN
Sirrah, your brother is legitimate.
Your father’s wife did after wedlock bear him, 120
An if she did play false, the fault was hers,
Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands
That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
Who as you say took pains to get this son,
Had of your father claimed this son for his? 125
In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world;
In sooth he might. Then if he were my brother’s,
My brother might not claim him, nor your father,
Being none of his, refuse him. This concludes: 130
My mother’s son did get your father’s heir;
Your father’s heir must have your father’s land. ROBERT FAULCONBRIDGE
Shall then my father’s will be of no force
To dispossess that child which is not his? PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Of no more force to dispossess me, sir, 135
Than was his will to get me, as I think. | Robert speaks up. He says that, actually, King Richard was Philip's dad: Richard got busy with his mom while his dad was away a business trip. He finishes his tale by saying that his father, on his deathbed, disinherited Philip and made him (Robert) his heir. King John believes Robert's story—after all, he already said that he thought Philip looked like Richard—but he disagrees about the legal consequences. He cites a law that states that once a woman is married, her husband is technically considered the legal baby-daddy of any child she bears, no matter who the biological father actually is. Robert objects, but it doesn't get him anywhere. What's worse, the Bastard now starts bagging on him for not getting to inherit his father's land. |
QUEEN ELEANOR
Whether hadst thou rather: be a Faulconbridge
And, like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,
Or the reputed son of Coeur de Lion,
Lord of thy presence, and no land besides? 140 BASTARD
Madam, an if my brother had my shape
And I had his, Sir Robert’s his like him,
And if my legs were two such riding-rods,
My arms such eel-skins stuffed, my face so thin
That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose, 145
Lest men should say “Look where three-farthings
goes,”
And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,
Would I might never stir from off this place,
I would give it every foot to have this face. 150
I would not be Sir Nob in any case. QUEEN ELEANOR
I like thee well. Wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
Bequeath thy land to him, and follow me?
I am a soldier and now bound to France. BASTARD
Brother, take you my land. I’ll take my chance. 155
Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
Yet sell your face for five pence and ’tis dear.—
Madam, I’ll follow you unto the death. QUEEN ELEANOR
Nay, I would have you go before me thither. BASTARD
Our country manners give our betters way. 160 KING JOHN
What is thy name? BASTARD
Philip, my liege, so is my name begun,
Philip, good old Sir Robert’s wife’s eldest son. KING JOHN
From henceforth bear his name whose form thou
bearest. 165
Kneel thou down Philip, but rise more great.
Philip kneels. King John dubs him a knight,
tapping him on the shoulder with his sword. Arise Sir Richard and Plantagenet. BASTARD, rising, to Robert Faulconbridge
Brother by th’ mother’s side, give me your hand.
My father gave me honor, yours gave land.
Now blessèd be the hour, by night or day, 170
When I was got, Sir Robert was away! QUEEN ELEANOR
The very spirit of Plantagenet!
I am thy grandam, Richard. Call me so. BASTARD
Madam, by chance but not by truth. What though?
Something about, a little from the right, 175
In at the window, or else o’er the hatch.
Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,
And have is have, however men do catch.
Near or far off, well won is still well shot,
And I am I, howe’er I was begot. 180 KING JOHN, to Robert Faulconbridge
Go, Faulconbridge, now hast thou thy desire.
A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.—
Come, madam,—and come, Richard. We must
speed
For France, for France, for it is more than need. 185 | At this point, Queen Eleanor is all, "Hey, kid. who would you rather have as a father? That lame Robert Falconbridge guy? Or my awesome dead son, Richard the Lionheart?" Guess who the Bastard picks? Philip agrees to stop claiming Robert Falconbridge, Sr., as his dad. He also gives up the land he inherited. In return, King John makes Philip a knight, and Eleanor tells him to start calling her Grandma. After this episode is over, King John announces that they have to hurry up and get ready to go to war with France. |
BASTARD
Brother, adieu, good fortune come to thee,
For thou wast got i’ th’ way of honesty. All but Bastard exit. A foot of honor better than I was,
But many a many foot of land the worse.
Well, now can I make any Joan a lady. 190
“Good den, Sir Richard!” “God-a-mercy, fellow!”
An if his name be George, I’ll call him “Peter,”
For new-made honor doth forget men’s names;
’Tis too respective and too sociable
For your conversion. Now your traveler, 195
He and his toothpick at my Worship’s mess,
And when my knightly stomach is sufficed,
Why then I suck my teeth and catechize
My pickèd man of countries: “My dear sir,”
Thus leaning on mine elbow I begin, 200
“I shall beseech you”—that is Question now,
And then comes Answer like an absey-book:
“O, sir,” says Answer, “at your best command,
At your employment, at your service, sir.”
“No, sir,” says Question, “I, sweet sir, at yours.” 205
And so, ere Answer knows what Question would,
Saving in dialogue of compliment
And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
The Pyrenean and the river Po,
It draws toward supper in conclusion so. 210
But this is worshipful society
And fits the mounting spirit like myself;
For he is but a bastard to the time
That doth not smack of observation,
And so am I whether I smack or no; 215
And not alone in habit and device,
Exterior form, outward accouterment,
But from the inward motion to deliver
Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age’s tooth,
Which though I will not practice to deceive, 220
Yet to avoid deceit I mean to learn,
For it shall strew the footsteps of my rising. | Everybody leaves the stage except for Philip the Bastard. The Bastard goes into a soliloquy (a speech where only one actor is on stage baring his soul to the audience). In his speech, the Bastard imagines how awesome his new life is going to be. Then he announces his plans to use deception to climb further up the social ladder. |
Enter Lady Faulconbridge and James Gurney. But who comes in such haste in riding robes?
What woman post is this? Hath she no husband
That will take pains to blow a horn before her? 225
O me, ’tis my mother.—How now, good lady?
What brings you here to court so hastily? LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
Where is that slave thy brother? Where is he
That holds in chase mine honor up and down? BASTARD
My brother Robert, old Sir Robert’s son? 230
Colbrand the Giant, that same mighty man?
Is it Sir Robert’s son that you seek so? LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
“Sir Robert’s son”? Ay, thou unreverent boy,
Sir Robert’s son. Why scorn’st thou at Sir Robert?
He is Sir Robert’s son, and so art thou. 235 BASTARD
James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile? GURNEY
Good leave, good Philip. BASTARD
“Philip Sparrow,” James.
There’s toys abroad. Anon I’ll tell thee more. James Gurney exits. Madam, I was not old Sir Robert’s son. 240
Sir Robert might have eat his part in me
Upon Good Friday and ne’er broke his fast.
Sir Robert could do well—marry, to confess—
Could he get me. Sir Robert could not do it;
We know his handiwork. Therefore, good mother, 245
To whom am I beholding for these limbs?
Sir Robert never holp to make this leg. LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
Hast thou conspirèd with thy brother too,
That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine
honor? 250
What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave? BASTARD
Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.
What, I am dubbed! I have it on my shoulder.
But, mother, I am not Sir Robert’s son.
I have disclaimed Sir Robert and my land. 255
Legitimation, name, and all is gone.
Then, good my mother, let me know my father—
Some proper man, I hope. Who was it, mother? LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge? BASTARD
As faithfully as I deny the devil. 260 LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
King Richard Coeur de Lion was thy father.
By long and vehement suit I was seduced
To make room for him in my husband’s bed.
Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!
Thou art the issue of my dear offense, 265
Which was so strongly urged past my defense. BASTARD
Now, by this light, were I to get again,
Madam, I would not wish a better father.
Some sins do bear their privilege on Earth,
And so doth yours. Your fault was not your folly. 270
Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,
Subjected tribute to commanding love,
Against whose fury and unmatchèd force
The aweless lion could not wage the fight,
Nor keep his princely heart from Richard’s hand. 275
He that perforce robs lions of their hearts
May easily win a woman’s. Ay, my mother,
With all my heart I thank thee for my father.
Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well
When I was got, I’ll send his soul to hell. 280
Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin,
And they shall say when Richard me begot,
If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin.
Who says it was, he lies. I say ’twas not. They exit. | At the end of this speech, the Bastard sees someone arriving on horseback: it's his mom (Lady Falconbridge), and she's with some guy named James Gurney. The Bastard wants to have a private chat with mom, so he sends away her friend. (Hope you didn't get too attached to James Gurney, because we don't see him again after this.) The Bastard breaks the news to his mom that he just renounced her dead husband—the guy who wasn't really his biological dad, anyway. Lady Falconbridge is offended at first, but not for long. In fact, she's sort of relieved and fesses up to having had a torrid affair with the Bastard's real bio dad. The Bastard and his mom then leave the stage together, and he promises to introduce her to his "new" relatives. |