Geometry Introduction

You and your friends have finally bought tickets to Zombie Apocalypse VII: Revenge of Lord Bloodlust, a movie rated NC-17 for its violence alone, and gory enough to be banned in 41 states (and counting). Your parents definitely don't approve…or at least they wouldn't if they had any idea you were going.

Luckily, they're out of town this weekend at a Zen retreat, and who are you to ruin that experience for them? Let them be one with nature. You've got some zombie-crushing to do.

As you and your friends find your seats in the crowded theater holding buttery popcorn and extra-large Icees, all your friends start pulling out their 3D glasses. You're not sure why, since you heard that the 3D version would be released only once the lawsuit against the director is settled. You ask your friends, and they tell you this is a special one-night-only screening in 3D before the case is taken to the Supreme Court. Unfortunately, you left your 3D glasses at home.

For the next two hours and forty-three minutes, you're subjected to images of blurry zombies attacking faceless heroes, an unclear mess of blood and guts, and fighting scenes that would have been epic had they not been in double vision. As the credits roll, you can't help but think of how you tricked your parents and that karma always has a way of catching up with you.

Three dimensions might catch you off-guard and, just like in Zombie Apocalypse VII, leave you confused, headachy, and bloody miserable. We've been working in two dimensions for so long that we might have forgotten that real life exists in three.

Fear not. Unlike your experience with Zombie Apocalypse VII, prolonged exposure to the third dimension (à la volumes and surface areas) won't have you wanting to tear your own eyes out. And we certainly won't have zombies wanting to tear your eyes out. Well, not as long as we keep some weapons and antidote at the ready.