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00:04

Larry and Mary Mermelstein can't wait to usher their first child into the world.

00:09

In the meantime there's so much anticipation.

00:12

Will it be a metal, or a non-metal?

00:16

Mary finally completes the birthing process...

00:20

and the doctor proudly announces that the newest addition to the Mermelstein family is...

00:25

a metalloid!

00:27

Well, Mary passes out. Larry drops everything he's holding. (Thank goodness he wasn't holding the baby.)

00:34

And they begin sobbing, "how could this happen?"

00:37

Well before the Mermelsteins fall into too deep of a panic...

00:41

...the doctor explains to them that there's nothing wrong with being a metalloid.

00:46

In fact, there are metalloids all over the world co-existing peacefully with metals and non-metals alike.

00:51

It doesn't do much to relieve the tension in Larry, who is already wondering how the adoption process works.

00:56

Or Mary, who is still unconscious.

00:59

So the doctor pulls down a chart and shows the Mermelsteins...

01:04

...where the metalloids fit in the bigger picture.

01:07

There are certain elements that have some properties of metals and other properties of non-metals.

01:19

Larry still isn't too pleased.

01:22

Especially because, according to him, half of those sound like Shakespearean villains.

01:26

But the doctor presses on, stressing the fact that metalloids...

01:31

...also known as semi-metals, or semi-conductors (hint hint)...

01:35

...have more personality than either metals or non-metals.

01:39

Some metalloids like silicon look like a metal, but don't conduct electricity very well...

01:44

...which is a definite non-metal trait.

01:46

Same deal with reactivity.

01:49

Some of the time, metalloids behave like metals and react quite strongly.

01:54

But other times, they just sit there like a bump on a log.

01:58

They're fascinating, versatile creatures, and any parent would be lucky to have one.

02:03

Larry, finally realizing he just might be able to appreciate his little bundle of half-metal joy after all,

02:09

well he's softening up to the idea.

02:11

He's still a bit worried this will mean

02:13

that he and his child will never be able to have a game of catch together.

02:17

But as the doctor points out, it's not likely any of them have hands.

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