Grief and death seem to overwhelm love in much of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. The most strongly expressed feelings for love are sometimes saved for people who are dead: in Oskar's case, his father; for Grandpa, his first love, Anna. It's as if love with the people who are in our lives is much more complicated than the idealized love we can have for someone who's gone. Because here's the problem with love, as Oskar knows so well. If you love someone and lose them, it's devastating.
Because everyone in the novel is struggling with grief, it can be hard to tease out the love in their relationships. Oskar, in particular, keeps his mother at a distance despite her protective love for him. She's different from his Dad and Grandma, whose love for him is expressed more directly. Once Oskar realizes this, he can reconnect with her and see that she's been watching him and loving him all along.
Questions About Love
- Did Oskar love his father more, or did he just love him differently?
- How does Oskar help other people find love during his quest?
- What's the meaning of Dad's fantastical story about the Sixth Borough, when a boy keeps love in a can?