A side-by-side translation of Act 1, Scene 3 of The Merry Wives of Windsor from the original Shakespeare into modern English.
Original Text |
Translated Text |
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| Source: Folger Shakespeare Library | |
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, FALSTAFF Mine Host of the Garter! HOST FALSTAFF HOST Discard, bully Hercules, cashier. Let them wag; FALSTAFF HOST FALSTAFF HOST I have spoke. Let him follow.—Let me see thee Host exits. FALSTAFF BARDOLPH PISTOL Bardolph exits. NYM FALSTAFF NYM PISTOL FALSTAFF PISTOL Why, then, let kibes ensue. 30 FALSTAFF PISTOL | Later on, Falstaff and company chill out at the Garter Inn. (Windsor's version of a local sports bar.) Falstaff confides to the Host of the Garter Inn that he's completely broke. Brain Snack: In Elizabethan England, being a knight didn't necessarily = being a baller. In fact, lots of members of the nobility (aristocrats who didn't work for a living) had very little money. We talk about this more in "Themes: Society and Class." Since Falstaff can't afford to pay a bunch of servants, he has to get rid of one of his toadies. He decides to fire Bardolph because the guy's a lousy thief who's always getting caught and making Falstaff look bad. The Host is feeling generous so he gives Bardolph a job as a "tapster" at the Inn. (A "tapster" is basically a bartender.) Pistol and Nym crack some jokes about how awesome it is that Bardolph's going to be serving cocktails since the guy loves to drink so much. Plus, his parents conceived him when they were rip-roaring drunk, which—TMI, folks. |
FALSTAFF PISTOL FALSTAFF PISTOL FALSTAFF PISTOL, aside to Nym He hath studied her will and NYM, aside to Pistol FALSTAFF PISTOL, aside to Nym As many devils entertain, and NYM, aside to Pistol The humor rises; it is good. 55 FALSTAFF, showing two papers PISTOL, aside to Nym Then did the sun on dunghill NYM, aside to Pistol FALSTAFF O, she did so course o’er my exteriors with | Pistol and Nym bag on Falstaff for being so fat. Falstaff is okay with this. He ignores their taunts and gets down to business. It's not enough to fire Bardolph. Like he said, he's got to "cony-catch" (aka be a con man) if he's going to survive in this tough economy. His plan involves two middle-class housewives—Mistress Page and Mistress Ford. Since both wives have access to their husband's money, Falstaff plans to seduce them both. We find out that Falstaff has channeled his inner 7th grader by writing a couple of cheesy love notes to the wives. Falstaff claims that both women have been checking out his sexy "parts" (especially his "portly belly") and undressing him with their eyes. He compares Mistress Page to "Guiana, all gold and bounty." Translation: Falstaff thinks that his sexual conquest of a rich housewife will be a lot like a New World Conquest. Go to "Symbols" and we'll tell you more about this. To put his plan into action, he just needs Pistol and Nym to deliver his letters to the ladies. |
PISTOL NYM, to Falstaff I will run no base humor. Here, take FALSTAFF, giving papers to Robin Falstaff and Robin exit. PISTOL NYM PISTOL NYM PISTOL NYM PISTOL NYM PISTOL They exit. | Pistol and Nym refuse to deliver Falstaff's letters to the wives, so Falstaff has his errand boy (Robin) do his dirty work. After Falstaff leaves, Pistol and Nym decide to snitch him out to Master Ford and Master Page. |