Interview with Muses
Spy Tape
With Shmoop's amazing long distance laser microphone our crack team of P.I.s can capture the conversations of the gods from long distances. The following transcript was recorded some time ago at the base of Mt. Parnassus, where the Muses were frolicking with their favorite winged horse, Pegasus. As you'll see, our investigator was lucky enough to be listening in just before a visit from Apollo.
[The sound of a fountain of water splashing on a rock. The Muses giggle and laugh.]
Thalia: Fetch, Pegasus. Fetch!
[Galloping and wings flapping].
Pegasus: Neighhh!
Melopmene: It's unseemly to ask such a noble animal to perform such an ignoble task.
Thalia: He likes it. Don't you, boy?
Pegasus: Neighhhhhhhhh! Whinny! Whinny!
Thalia: See, told you.
Euterpe: What's that bright light?
Polyhymnia: It's coming right for us!
[General worried chatter].
Calliope: Relax, my Muses. It's Apollo's chariot.
[The sound of Apollo's chariot streaking from the sky and landing on the mountain.]
Apollo: Helloooo, ladies.
Calliope: We welcome you, Apollo.
Erato: Hey there, loverboy.
Euterpe: You should have warned us that you were coming!
Terpsichore: Where's my makeup?
Polyhymnia: Where's my veil?!
Apollo: Oh, stop it, all of you. You're beautiful, each and every one. Oh, hello there, Pegasus.
Pegasus: Neigh! Flappy. Flap. Flap.
Calliope: What brings you, Apollo?
Erato: Yeah, handsome.
Calliope: Cool it, Erato.
Apollo: Zeus wants me to lead you lovely ladies in a song at Hephaestus and Aphrodite's wedding tonight.
Polyhymnia: Aren't they already married?
Clio: Yeah, that's old news.
Apollo: Well, it's kind of a recommitment ceremony. Zeus feels it's necessary after the recent... umm... well... You all probably heard about how Hephaestus caught Aphrodite and Ares...well... together.
Erato: Ha! They were together alright.
Thalia:Yeah, about as together as two deities can be.
[Erato and Thalia laughing].
Calliope: Stop it, both of you.
Melopmene: It's a true tragedy.
Urania: The stars are against that marriage for sure.
Apollo: I can't say I disagree, but if Zeus says we sing at the recommitment ceremony, then that's what we do.
Calliope: You're absolutely right, Apollo. We're with you, right Muses?
[General sounds of agreement].
Apollo: Well okay, then. What do you all think we should sing?
Calliope: I suggest something truly epic.
Polyhymnia: A hymn would be pleasant.
Erato: Boooooring. Let's sing a love song.
Melopmene: How insignificant. We should perform a choral passage from one of the great tragedies.
Thalia: Why are you always so depressing? Let's do something funny!
Euterpe: Something sad, something lyrical...
Terpsichore: Only if we can dance to it.
Clio: Perhaps I can deliver a lecture on an important historical event.
Urania: And I can follow it up with a lecture on the stars.
Thalia: Yeah, 'cause that won't be boring and awful at all.
Apollo: Please, ladies.
Calliope: We have to agree on something.
Polyhymnia: I'm fine with anything.
Apollo: Wonderful.
Polyhymnia: As long as it's a hymn.
Erato: With romance.
Melopmene: And death.
Thalia: And laughs.
Euterpe: And tears.
Clio: And history.
Urania: And stars.
Terpsichore: And an extended dance break.
Pegasus: Neighhhh. Flap. Flap.
[The Muses all start arguing and talking over each other.]
Apollo: If you all don't agree on something, Zeus is going to get the Sirens to sing instead.
Calliope: What?!
Thalia: That's not funny.
Melopmene: Those no-talent floozies?
Apollo: If you don't like it, then you'd better decide on something.
Terpsichore: I've got it. I've got! It's a wedding, right? We can teach the every one the Electric Slide!
All: NOOO!
Calliope: Well, at least we can agree on something.