It's a balmy Tuesday afternoon when Joe Hollywood saunters into the doors of your car dealership. He's a twenty-something wunderkind who just sold his first screenplay and is looking for some new wheels to tool around town in. He's confident, he's smart—but not too smart for you.

Why? Because you're a car salesman extraordinaire. You escalate MSRPs in a single bound. You could sell ice to an Alaskan in the middle of winter, or saunas to the elderly in Florida.

Or a Pontiac Aztek to anyone. (Source)

But you wouldn't. That would be mean.

You spend the next four hours wheeling and dealing with Joe over a sweet beauty of a car that costs more than your mortgage payment. You searched three different lots that your boss owns just to find the exact shade of green (the color of money) he wanted. You're not letting this one go.

He lets loose the usual stream of car salesman put-downs and asks several times, "Are you sure you're not ripping me off?"

As if you would tell him.

Finally, the stars align and you work out a deal that seems to satisfy Joe. He drives away happy in his brand new, expensive, fancy sports car. For all your efforts, how much money have you made?

About seventy-five bucks after taxes.

Yup, that's right. You earned the equivalent of about ten Starbucks lattes for your trouble. And that's about all you'll probably earn today, too.

Despite what the public and what customers may believe, there is no correlation between how much the car costs and how much commission you make.

Typically, for new cars, you'll earn between $100–$150 a car before taxes.

Used cars are slightly more and can range from $100 to $300 per car. There are occasional bonuses for selling high numbers of cars, but it's all a gamble.

Most car salesmen work on commission, which can be nice if you're a good salesman. Some have a salary as well, and get a draw against commissions. This means that they only earn commission money over the equivalent of their (usually) minimum wage paycheck. It's nice in a dry spell, but can feel a little disappointing when you essentially have to give your commission money back to the dealership. At least you're guaranteed some sort of wage.

Yeah, there's not a lot of money in the car biz, but you know what there are a lot of?

Jokes. Lots and lots of car salesman jokes. You'll be hearing them all from everyone you know who hears that you are, indeed, a car salesman.

A car salesman walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink because he is overworked, underpaid, and unhappy with his life and the choices he has made. Wait.... (Source)

Car salesmen are at the bottom of the food chain. They're the flotsam of the employment world. You'll be a cautionary tale for staying in school and getting an advanced degree. The job can net you some great sales experience to get over the summer while you're studying business or communications, but it's not usually something that people can turn into a career.

Every customer who walks in the door will be wary of your schemes and tricks. They'll warn you up front if they don't like you, and that they will not be taken advantage of by the likes of nasty, slick, slippery ol' you. It's just part of the job.

While used cars are where the money's at, many would rather take their chances with Craigslist than go to a dealership. The Internet has made car shopping much easier for the consumer to get a bargain, and much more difficult for the salesman to earn a living.

You also won't be working in a relaxing, friendly environment. Car salesmen are a cutthroat breed out of necessity. It's a Darwinian atmosphere at best.

Think of it this way: Since every customer who comes on the lot is a possible answer as to where you get your next meal that day, you're going to pounce at the chance to make a sale. As will the ten other guys scheduled to work that day. The dealership doesn't care how many salesmen they have on the floor at one time—they're usually not paying these guys for their time anyway. They only get paid if they sell a car.

So when a customer sets foot on a lot, it's every man for himself. Don't expect cake on your birthday or Secret Santa at the company Christmas party (in fact, don't expect a company Christmas party or a gift. You'll be lucky if you can get the day off).

In addition to the personal strain you'll feel over selling things just to keep a roof over your head, you'll also be under huge pressure from the managers and owners of the dealership to sell, sell, sell.

Dealerships have to turn a huge profit to make money and are always worried about going out of business.

The car business is a fickle one. If the economy is good, people buy cars. If it's not so good, people hold on and service their old cars to make do. There could be months when the place is absolutely dead (even if you work in the most desirable of dealerships).

Which is good, because they are going to have to pay for some serious orthodontic work. (Source)

On the flip side, there are the rare few who are total car sharks. They can sell upwards of twenty or thirty units a month and make serious bonus money.

This entire business is a gamble, and like most gambling, the odds are stacked against you.

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