Or maybe not. (Source)

Everyone's a critic. Well, not everyone. There may be one or two monks who have taken a vow of silence, and who don't have a blog yet.

But if your idea of a good time is camping out for a thrilling Woody Allen retrospective at your local art house theater, existing on nothing but movie theater popcorn slathered with melted artificial butter and Red Vines, then maybe you should become a film critic. After all, you'll get to see all the best—and worst—Hollywood has to offer before the general public gets to see it, and you get paid to do it. They may even throw in the popcorn for free.

So you should probably just head out to the multiplex now and start figuring out your opinions on Fast & Furious 17 and whether Vin Diesel's still got it (he does―unless we're talking about hair). Right? Not that easy. 

 

And if that fails, there's always floor-corn. (Source)

Even if by some stroke of luck you find a paid gig at your local rag or some blog that wants to hire you to write part-time entertainment reviews that utilize search engine keywords in every sentence, chances are you're still barely making enough for even the small soda. And with an average salary of not-quite-$27,000, you'll probably still be bringing in old bags of popcorn for that free refill (source).

You don't care, though: you're perfect for the job and you're determined to make it work. You went to film school. You've shot an entire "found footage" horror film on your iPhone for less than it costs to win at Candy Crush and you know how to make a box of spaghetti last six servings. You're willing to do temp jobs during the day, and borrow money from your parents, your grandmother, your buddy the business major (friends are important).

Anything to bank your dream.

Well, who are we to stand in the way of such tenacity? Such devotion to the art of cinema. You're the one person who actually read every issue of Cahiers du Cinéma in the original French. Ooh la la.

Just remember: whether you go the strict cinephile route or the way of forgotten fringe indies that nobody saw, or if you decide to toss your hat into the snarky, mainstream "entertainment critic" ring, you're still first and foremost, a journalist. That means you need to be a pretty good writer with a unique style and a penchant for snark, and you must possess a wealth of typically useless but profoundly detailed knowledge on movie makers and the movie-making process overall.

You will also need to see a lot of movies. Yeah, sounds terrible, right? Well, put that sarcasm back where you found it, because sometimes it can be.

You may think you really love movies and will never get tired of seeing them, but the reality is that when you see two or three screenings a day every single day, you'll start aching to stay home and watch an episode or two of The Big Bang Theory.

After all, this is no longer entertainment; this is work. Sometimes the movie will be bad. Very bad. And not in the fun, laughable way. It'll be bad in the "pinch me to stay awake" sort of way. You'll have to sit through the dull movie, because after all, you're going to have to review it and be smart about it. This is your job. You can't do your job if you don't stay until the end credits.

 

We're looking at you, Pogs: The Movie. (Source)

On the bright side, you'll get paid to tell the masses exactly how bad that movie was. We'd call that a win, even if you had to sit through the latest poorly thought-out '90s toy-based franchise bomb.

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