Who, me? (Source)

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not throw an unsightly temper tantrum, I'm tellin' you why—Santa Claus is coming to town. Well more specifically, he's coming to your neighborhood mall or town tree lighting. Oh, and he's you. We'll make sure to deck the halls for your arrival.

For some people it's a childhood dream—or even a calling—to play Santa. Maybe you're one of the kids for whom The Santa Clause was a life goal. Maybe you've wanted to wear the red robe and cap since you were mesmerized by Santa during your hometown's annual Christmas parade or holiday pig roast. Whatever the reason, your dream is within reach.

For others, it just seems like an easy paycheck for some quick holiday cash—and depending on where you're Kringle-ing, it can be quite lucrative. An experienced Santa can earn anywhere from $100 to $300 an hour (source). 

This means you could make $10,000-$30,000, or more, just walking around in red felt and living off milk and cookies for a month. It's not much, but considering a waiter makes as much in an entire year of dealing with bratty kids and whiny tourists, it should fill your heart with cheer.

 

I'll take this over a shift at Denny's any day of the week. (Source)

If you dream of sitting in a warm mall during the winter while entertaining a never-ending line of children, you'll have to meet some pretty specific requirements. You should be Santa-shaped (200-plus pounds in many job requirements), have gentle eyes, a cheery disposition, and a booming voice. 

You'll also have to be willing to wear a heavy fleece coat and either grow your own beard or wear a fake one that may feel like there's a wool sweater on your chin. 

Does this sound like fun to you? Yes? Then you may be in line for a busy holiday season.

 

No matter what your family is like, Christmas photos are awkward. (Source)

Aside from the physical attributes, you'll need to enjoy bringing joy and merriment to small children and babies, or at least be able to fake it really well. You need to tolerate the panic-stricken shrieks of those kids who are terrified by your overlarge presence—as well as their parents, who beg, plead, scold, and cajole them into just one more smile so they can get that picture that will make this blessed memory last a lifetime.

You'll also need to be able to think quickly on your booted feet. When kids ask for the more untraditional items, like not getting a cavity or bringing Sparky back to life, you'll have to do better than a simple, "Can't help you, Sport."

Santa's reputation is sacred, and it's part of your job to figure out how to skirt the expectations of kids who want expensive tablets or gaming systems but whose parents may only be able to afford a few coloring books or an Etch-a-Sketch. 

Lucky for you, Santa training teaches you not just to be kind, but candid, clean, and up-front as well. No one likes a spoil sport, but kids can't be thinking they're going to wake up Christmas morning and find a giraffe underneath their tree.

Feeling up to it? Well you better start doing squats and lunges. Along with wailing babies, snotty children, and beleaguered parents, you'll have to endure eight- to twelve-hour shifts in crowded noisy spaces, with a non-stop soundtrack of Christmas music blaring in the background. 

Don't want "White Christmas" or "Hark the Herald Angel Sing" stuck in your head all day? Too bad. This is Santa—hero to children worldwide. You'll be part of each and every child's memory forever. Do you want to be a nice, sweet, happy Santa, or an impatient, grouchy grumpypants?

We'll make the decision easy for you. You'll absolutely need a holly jolly attitude for this gig. If you can't manage some yuletide joy, move along friend. Scrooges need not apply.

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