California State University--Stanislaus

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Hallmarks and Quirks

Cheap Bachelor's and Master's degrees. Better act fast, though—I get more expensive every year.
Pre-nursing. My program is ranked twenty-sixth out of 442, according to NurseJournal.org. Get your nursing degrees while they're hot, boys and girls.
Small classes. Although some of my rooms seat more than sixty, most of my classes hover around thirty. That means your professors will generally be easy to get acquainted with or to bother with extra questions.
Continental philosophy. There aren't many American philosophy programs that cover the blasphemous European postmodernists like I do, so make sure to take advantage of my exotic options.
Ease of entry. Many first-generation college students call me home, and I serve many students who might have a tough time getting into private universities.

Summer clothes. No matter what you do, you will not be prepared for the over-one-hundred-degree spring and summer…unless you're from Arizona or Planet Mercury. You've been warned.
A car. Public transportation is below average, and you'll have to drive to San Francisco if you want to catch any touring acts from this decade or enjoy any big-city nightlife.
An appetite. There isn't much to do in Turlock beyond sampling its great restaurants and quaint downtown scene, but what a restaurant and quaint downtown scene it is.
A steering wheel lock. My campus is relatively safe, but I live ten miles south of the stolen car capital of the world (Modesto).
A nice camera. My landscapers work around the clock to keep my ponds beautiful, my trees trimmed, and my vistas stunning.

You might remember a woman named Sarah Palin hosting a controversial fundraiser on a college campus—the most successful fundraising stop of her tour. What was the name of that college again? Oh, right…CSU Stanislaus.
I'm one of only two California State Universities that offers a major in cognitive studies, a fancy new multidisciplinary field that blends aspects of computers and neuroscience. Ooh la la.

At my parent's house, just chilling. But no, seriously, you'll soon find out that there's, like, nothing to do around town.
In downtown Turlock. Dustbowl Brewing's Tap Room is my favorite local microbrewery, but sometimes I'll catch local bands playing at the Grizzly Rock Café on the outskirts of town or in Modesto at Deva Café.
I'm always happy when the theater department hosts the occasional production. If I'm in an especially "fun" mood, I can count on my friends in campus Greek life to have me over for beer pong.

The newest buildings on campus. These joints are theplace to be right now. The Bookstore and Naraghi Science building both sporting luxurious study areas and new furniture.
The Warrior Grill. It's noisy, busy, and always has music videos playing on multiple TV screens. Sometimes, that's just what I need.
One of the many grassy hills to hang out on.…so long as it isn't between May and October and the sun isn't scorching all that you hold dear.
The campus library. Sure, it's in desperate need of a remodel, but it's never a bad thing to sit in one of its study cubbies and cram for exams with the lingering smell of old books.

I have a newly built Student Recreation Center, so cancel your gym membership and take advantage.
I have a satellite campus in Stockton that was previously a mental institution. Many locals are convinced that it's haunted, and I have to say, I get a weird feeling when I walk around the basement morgue.
True to my agricultural roots, my first five years of classes were held at none other than the Stanislaus County Fairgrounds, home to the award-winning Stanislaus County Fair.
I can't emphasize enough how accessible my professors are. Seriously, take advantage: they'll be there for you when you graduate and need help, references, and letters of recommendation.