First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, if you have racked up too many negligent driver points, your license will either be suspended or revoked by the KYTC. You can apply for a new license at the end of this period, and hopefully you’ve changed your ways by then. Oh, sure, it starts with a few minor traffic violations here and there, but before you know it you’ll be committing grand larceny, bank fraud, and/or treason. We just don’t want to start seeing your name in the paper. Unless it’s for inventing some useful electronic gadget, or winning a peace prize. That would be pretty cool.

Each time you have a mark on your record, the points expire after two years, but the conviction stays there for FIVE YEARS (or longer, if you did something really shady). Your license can be suspended for six months if you accumulate 12 points within a two-year period. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes, you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Like a Vandal in the Wind

If you absolutely must destroy something, either break a pencil or beat up on your pillow. It’s far too costly to be caught doing anything worse, such as spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a bridge or keying your ex-boyfriend’s Mustang. If already licensed, you can lose your license for a couple years; if you’re not there yet, you can have the issuance of your license delayed for several years. And you’re going to need your license, because it sounds like you’ll have to be doing a lot of running from the authorities.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

3-pointers

• Speeding 15mph or less above the posted speed limit
• Failure to stop at a signal
• Failure to yield
• Failure to obey a traffic control device
• Wrong way on a one-way street
• Careless driving
• Improper headlights
• Improper lane usage
• Any shot made from beyond the 3-point arc

4-pointers

• Reckless driving
• Driving on the wrong side of the road
• Following too closely
• Failure to yield to an emergency vehicle
• Changing drivers in a moving vehicle (is that even a thing?)

5-pointers

• Improper passing
• Rear-ending someone important, like Colonel Sanders

6-pointers

• Speeding 16-25mph over the posted speed limit
• Failure to stop for church or school bus
• Commission of a moving hazardous violation which involves a collision