First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, if you have racked up too many negligent driver points, your license will either be suspended or revoked by the MVC. You can apply for a new license at the end of this period, and hopefully you’ve changed your ways by then. Oh, sure, it starts with a few minor traffic violations here and there, but before you know it you’ll be committing grand larceny, bank fraud, and/or treason. We just don’t want to start seeing your name in the paper. Unless it’s for inventing some useful electronic gadget, or winning a peace prize. That would be pretty cool.

Each time you have a mark on your record, it can stay there for years (the points total is reduced by three following every year during which no points are added). If you accumulate six or more points within a 36-month period, you will be subject to a $150 surcharge with an additional $25 surcharge for each extra point beyond six. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes, you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Like a Vandal in the Wind

If you absolutely must destroy something, either break a pencil or beat up on your pillow. It’s far too costly to be caught doing anything worse, such as spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a bridge or keying your ex-boyfriend’s Mustang. If already licensed, you can lose your license for a couple years; if you’re not there yet, you can have the issuance of your license delayed for several years. And you’re going to need your license, because it sounds like you’ll have to be doing a lot of running from the authorities.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

2-pointers

• Failure to stop
• Failure to signal
• Improper backing or crossing
• Speeding 1-14mph over the limit
• Careless driving
• Destruction of agricultural or recreational property
• Wrong way on a one-way street
• Leaving the scene of an accident (no personal injury)

3-pointers

• Improper turning
• Any shot made from beyond the 3-point arc

4-pointers

• Improper passing of a frozen desert track (our personal favorite)
• Speeding 15-29mph over the limit
• Improper passing
• Rear-ending someone important, like Bruce Springsteen

5-pointers

• Racing on highway
• Reckless driving
• Speeding 30mph or more over the limit

8-pointers

• Leaving the scene of an accident (personal injury)