First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, if you have racked up too many negligent driver points, your license will either be suspended or revoked by the BMV. You can apply for a new license at the end of this period, and hopefully you’ve changed your ways by then. Oh, sure, it starts with a few minor traffic violations here and there, but before you know it you’ll be committing grand larceny, bank fraud, and/or treason. We just don’t want to start seeing your name in the paper. Unless it’s for inventing some useful electronic gadget, or winning a peace prize. That would be pretty cool.

Each time you have a mark on your record, it stays there for at least 24 months (or longer, if you did something really shady). Within a 12-month period, your license can be suspended for two months if you accumulate 15-44 points, three months if you accumulate 45-74 points, six months if you accumulate 75-89 points, nine months if you accumulate 90-99 points, or one year if you accumulate 100-109. If you accumulate 110 points or more in a 12-month period, you license will be revoked for a year. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes, you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Like a Vandal in the Wind

If you absolutely must destroy something, either break a pencil or beat up on your pillow. It’s far too costly to be caught doing anything worse, such as spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a bridge or keying your ex-boyfriend’s Mustang. If already licensed, you can lose your license for a couple years; if you’re not there yet, you can have the issuance of your license delayed for several years. And you’re going to need your license, because it sounds like you’ll have to be doing a lot of running from the authorities.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

2-pointers

• All moving violations

• Speeding 6-10mph over the speed limit in an area below 55mph

• Speeding 11-29mph over the speed limit

• Operating a motor vehicle in violation of a restriction imposed by the Registrar of the BMV

• Slam dunks and safeties

4-pointers

• Willful or wanton disregard of the safety of persons or property

• Speeding 30mph or more over the speed limit

6-pointers

• Homicide by vehicle

• Operating a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and/or any drug of abuse

• Failure to stop and disclose identity at the scene of a collision

• Willingly fleeing or eluding a law enforcement officer

• Racing

• Operating a vehicle without the consent of the owner

• Using a vehicle in the commission of a felony, or committing any crime punishable as a felony under Ohio motor vehicle laws