Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which sentence has correct punctuation?

(A) You must bring the following items to Girl Scout camp: sleeping bag, warm clothes, and many yummy snacks for sharing.
(B) Geraldine enjoys walking outside in cold weather conditions, namely: sleet, hail, and snow.
(C) Teachers like students who: (1) raise their hands, (2) speak in turn, and (3) know all the right answers.
(D) I overdosed on chocolate movie theater candy, that is: Nestle Buncha Crunch, Cookie Dough Bites, and Pretzel M&Ms.

Which of the following sentences is grammatically incorrect?

I. My little sister, the jumpiest person of all time, finally caved and watched a scary movie with us. 

II. She was fine for the first half, nevertheless, the ending scared her to tears.

III. Oh, did I mention that the title of the movie was I Saw the Devil?

(A) I
(B) II
(C) III
(D) None of them

Which of the following sentences is grammatically incorrect?

(A) She screamed, "Give me back my remote control Hummer this instant!"
(B) He responded to the server, "You call this puny thing Gino's Ginormous Burrito?"
(C) Your broke my heart, so I deserve more than just "I'm sorry"!
(D) What do you think the caterer meant by "I think we can get your order done in time?"

Which of the following has incorrect punctuation?

(A) You wouldn't dare use my last pink glitter pen, would you? You know that's my favorite kind!
(B) Dave's in Las Vegas? That's interesting. His boss thinks he has the measles.
(C) I wonder why Joan didn't want to come over for Thanksgiving? Tofurky is delicious!
(D) How did the chicken get upstairs? Weren't you supposed to close his coop last night?

Can you pick out the sentence with incorrect punctuation?

(A) I have always been inspired by Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go! to travel the world in a hot air balloon.
(B) The fact that my friend really wanted me to read an article titled "The Power of NO!" really concerned me.
(C) Back when my dad started working for Yahoo!, he made us all switch over our email accounts for moral support.
(D) My mom has turned into a master chef thanks to her new book titled Let's Get Cookin'!.

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