A Border Passage Coming of Age Quotes

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Quote #4

This was only the beginning. Within a few days or perhaps that very day she took me to a doctor, not our usual doctor but a special doctor, who put me on a table and looked between my legs and told her I was fine, that I was just a little girl and that she should not make such an event of it, and in any case she had no ground whatever for her concerns. (81)

As a young girl, Ahmed has a brush with sexual violence at the hands of a neighbor boy. When her mother discovers what has happened, she freaks out. Ahmed is faced with a violent and frightening parent who does her best to impress on Ahmed the importance of sexual purity in their society. The visit to the "special doctor" is essentially for a virginity check. Ahmed believes that it is this episode—not the assault itself—that puts an early end to the freedom of her childhood and introduces a new kind of tension between herself and her mom.

Quote #5

Later, within two or three or maybe four years, I judged her to be stupid and unjust and governed by meaningless beliefs if she really thought she would have had to kill me and then herself. She was just plain stupid, I decided. I began reading Somerset Maugham at about twelve and immediately took to him and began at once, too, to believe in the follies of human beings about sex. (81)

Ahmed responds badly—as any child would—to her mother's freak-out over the neighbor boy's attempt to sexually assault Ahmed. Her mom doesn't pour on the compassion for her daughter. Instead, she hits her and essentially blames her for getting herself into such a situation. The icing on the cake? Mom explains how honor killings work and how Ahmed would have been a victim of it had she been a little older.

Ahmed's reaction is to hate her mom and to retreat from her. Her chosen form of escape (reading) reinforces her initial feelings, and it isn't until much later that she understands the "injustice" of her mother's actions on that day. Mother understands the importance of a woman's sexual purity in their society (unjust as it might have been) and acted out of fear for her daughter's safety.

Quote #6

This event with my mother, and everything that followed from it—the end of playing in the garden, of having playmates at home, of feeling that I belonged and was wanted in that home—was the great fracture line dividing my life: it marked the end, in my mind, of my childhood. Everything thereafter, in my thoughts, was marked Before and After. Joyousness belonged to before, only to before, to the past, and the past was over. (83)

Ahmed can't stress enough how crucial this moment is for her. After her mother rebukes her for nearly being sexually assaulted by the boy next door, Ahmed's life changes dramatically. Her freedom is severely limited and a new iciness springs up between her and her mother. Although she is only 9 at the time, Ahmed can sort of see the writing on the wall—that being a woman in her culture was never going to be a joyous thing—and it's both frustrating and depressing.