Aristotle's Social Media
Shmoop eavesdrops on your favorite critic's online convos.
I've just made some startling new observations that I want to share with everyone. Did you know that the octopus uses its tentacles as feet, but also as hands to feed itself? And that the male octopus uses one of its tentacles to mate with the female? It's true! Can you believe it?
I know! My reaction was the same! Also, I observed that above the octopus's tentacles, there is a hollow tube through which it discharges seawater. Oh and to see the octopus swimming—a thing of beauty! I will post a link so you can see for yourself.
That is fascinating, Prof. Aristotle. I cannot believe it.
I am so lucky to have students like you, Aristoxenus and Theophrastus, people who can appreciate the wonders of the natural world as much as I can. As I like to say, always look around you and your mind will remain alert.
Aristotle, if you really care about your mind, you shouldn't waste so much time looking at physical objects and recording their properties. Instead, you should think, reflect, cogitate! For example, ask yourself the nature of the relationship between this mind you are trying to keep alert and the body in which that mind is contained.
It's hard to imagine how you could if you spend all your time watching fish swim and mate with each other. But anyway, if you have pondered these questions, then I assume you have made the same discoveries that I have. You know that the mind and body are two completely different, opposed sorts of substances that are mysteriously connected with one another through the pineal gland.
If you spent more time observing nature, M. Descartes, you would know that an octopus is a mollusk, not a fish. Plus you wouldn't invent such odd theories about the mind. It's silly to start off assuming that the body and the mind are different kinds of entities and then try to figure out how they interact. They are one! The mind or the soul (I prefer the word psyche here) is just the functioning of the body—the various ways that that body can operate. Perception, desire, imagination, and so forth are nothing other than high level physical capacities. Get it? Once you realize that, you see that there is no "mind-body problem." I spell it all out very clearly in my De Anima.
Thought? Well, it may be that in its active form, thought, in some sense, can be separated from the body. But hey, let's not get too bogged down in all the little details, shall we?
Got you on the run now, don't I? Thought "in its active form"? "In some sense" separated? Hey, A-man, I've got a little insight into human nature. I know when a guy doesn't quite know what he's talking about and is desperately trying to dodge the question.
Lighten up, Descartes, this is the Internet. We're just chattin'. Hey, did you happen to see all those great pics of me and my family? Wow, were we having FUN!
Sorry that some folks are throwing shade at you, bro. Like I always told you, Foal, it's easier to be a student than a teacher. Once you're up there in front of people, no one understands you. And there's always going to be someone trying to tear you down. Your favorite students are the worst, too.
Thank you, Professor Plato. But look, sir, I studied literature, I even wrote about a little about it. (On that note, I urge you to take a look at my Poetics if you haven't already—I think you'll like it.) What I'm saying is that I am usually pretty good at recognizing the subtext. So I can see in your comment that you're still mad at me for all my criticisms of your ideas. And for that, I am truly sorry. But what was I going to do—not speak up for the truth? Should I have given up the quest for Knowledge just because of your tender feelings?
That was different—I was talking about criticizing other people. Here we're talking about criticisms of me. I'm still hoping you're going to take it all back.
Hey, Teach, just got back from conquering India. On my way to Babylon. Have a bit of a cough, but generally I feel great! I just wanted to thank you again for everything you taught me. Being utterly ruthless, showing no mercy to your enemies, the importance of absolute political power—I learned it all from you, Teach. Thanks!
You're welcome, I guess. But I think you might have missed the point of my lessons just a little bit, Alexander.
Are you saying I'm not ruthless enough? I knew I should have tortured that guy before I had him killed! Next time I'll be sure to do that and when I do I promise to tell everyone I'm just following the teachings of my tutor, Aristotle.
That is fascinating, Prof. Aristotle. I cannot believe it.