Dear Diary,

My life is a nightmare, and my no-good brother Seth is to blame. Again! This time, he totally wrecked my husband's birthday. Can you believe this? First, Seth scheduled a party in Osiris' honor. We thought it would be okay to go, hoping maybe he'd given up on his schemes to get the throne. Come party time, Seth shows up with 72 of his friends and a beautiful wooden chest, which he was going to give away to the person who fit in it. So all the guests had a great time getting inside, to see who'd fit. Nobody did. I didn't either. It was far too tall. Anyway, Osiris got in, just to humor everybody, and he fit perfectly! Suddenly, Seth jumped on top of it and all his buddies carried it off toward the river. Hopefully this is just some stupid prank.

Dear Diary,

It's worse. We caught Seth and asked him what he did with Osiris, but he just says he threw the chest in the Nile. Osiris never was a good swimmer, so I'm worried. Nephthys and I spent all day and all night going up and down the Nile looking for him. It's a good thing we can shapeshift into birds, or else that would've taken a month. The chest doesn't seem to have gotten caught in any of the irrigation canals, so I can only assume it's headed north for the Delta. At least the chest is made out of wood, right? Maybe it's floating. Maybe Osiris is okay. I've never been so worried.

Dear Diary,

Headed north. Nobody knows where Osiris is. I've looked everywhere, and I'm totally exhausted. At the seashore, I met some children who told me they saw a big box head out to sea a few days ago. Where am I going to find a box in the Mediterranean? If I ever get my hands on Seth… Maybe the northern current carried him to Byblos? Guess I'm heading there next.

Dear Diary,

I have news… The good news is that I found Osiris! The bad news is that he's dead. The worse news is that the chest his body is in got stuck inside a cedar tree, and the king of Byblos cut down the tree and had it made into a giant pillar to decorate his palace. This is a disaster. How am I going to convince him to let me take Osiris out of there and bring him home so I can resurrect him? These guys don't even like Egyptians.

Dear Diary,

Well, I got inside the palace, by shapeshifting myself into a servant. I've been assigned to look after the king and queen's baby. He's a cute kid, actually. It makes me so mad that Seth killed Osiris. We could've had a baby prince, too. Little Dictys has been sick, so his mother, Queen Astarte, is hoping that I can take care of him so he'll get better. She's lucky I'm a goddess. I can definitely help! For now, though, I think I'm going to let her keep thinking I'm just a servant, at least until I figure out where that pillar is and how to get Osiris out of it…

Dear Diary,

While I was watching Queen Astarte's baby today, I put him on the fire for a couple of minutes, so I could shapeshift into a swallow and fly over him, singing my magic. If I'd been able to finish the song, all his human flaws would burn away. But the Queen saw her son in the fire and freaked out… so she pulled him out of the fire before I could finish. Shame, really. Her son could've been a god. Anyhow, it worked out okay, because I had to explain who I am and why I was there. She took me to King Malcander and they offered me anything I wanted. I mentioned the pillar and Osiris, and they cut it down so I can take his body home. Sent a message to Nephthys to get the gang together. I have an idea that just might be crazy enough to work.

Dear Diary,

We embalmed Osiris today. It didn't bring him back to life, like I hoped it would, at least not permanently. He was only alive long enough to say goodbye, and, um, spend some time with me. Maybe we'll have that baby after all? I'm really going to miss him. Since I'm the goddess of life, I don't get to visit him in the underworld, though Nephthys tells me that she and Anubis will go visit and make sure he's taking care of himself.

Dear Diary,

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote. Things got busy, with Osiris' funeral and me being pregnant and all. Yep! The magic worked, and we have a beautiful son, who's named Horus—after his uncle that isn't a complete jerk. Speaking of the jerk, it's been difficult hiding little Horus from Seth, but we moved to the northern Delta marsh. So far, so good. Seth's a desert god, so he really hates getting his feet wet. Long as we stay in here, I think we'll be safe.