- This chapter is all about crap. No—really.
- Octavian tells us that when he was young, he learned how to operate and read scales.
- How?
- By weighing his own poop.
- Everything he ate and then pooped out, the scholars would weigh and take notes on.
- In fact, Octavian's poop was so important it was even weighed on a golden scale—because gold is an inert metal that can't react chemically with whatever is put on it, including poop.
- When Octavian noticed that no one else got his poop weighed, he felt incredibly special.
- Wouldn't you?