Jacob Todd

Character Analysis

Our seventeen-year-old main guy is about to go on an adventure… he just doesn't know it yet. Jacob might think of himself as an adult, but he's still got a lot to figure out about who he wants to be; even he admits he's just not really sure how to live. Part of his journey to Amsterdam is delivering flowers to his grandpa's grave, but the other part of it is learning about where he comes from and who he really is.

Thrill-Seeker

Lost and alone in a foreign city, Jacob doesn't have much going for him. We're told this about the guy:

Suddenly he wanted to be in a crowd, wanted to feel the push and press of people, wanted noise and bustle and distraction, wanted to be taken out of himself—the past twenty-four hours had been a ruffle—wanted something to drink, wanted to sit and drink it at a touristy on-street table while watching the goings-on of passers-by. And, though he could not admit it to himself at the time, wanted an adventure. (1.2)

Sounds like Jacob wants a bit of a break from himself, doesn't it? To get swept up in the activity of the city, take it in instead of hanging out with his thoughts. The word "suddenly" clues us in to the fact that this is a bit of a surprise to Jacob, though. So though he might think he's got life all sorted, tied up in a neat little package, the reality is that he doesn't even know his own feelings. In other words, Jacob is still figuring out who he is.

We've all been there before. It's that time in life when you stop doing stuff because your friends do it or because it's cool, and you start acting on your own terms. Part of Jacob's journey is sifting through what makes him, well, him.

I Love Her, I Love Him Not

Case in point? Jacob's gender mix-up with Ton—you know, when he mistakes him for a girl—at the café. When Jacob thinks back to this moment, here's how he remembers it:

But it wasn't until he was in bed that he felt—really felt—just how embarrassed he was. And, for heaven's sake, how could he not have realized that Ton was a boy? Thinking about it now, he knew he'd known all the time. Had sensed it. But he'd wanted Ton to be a girl, had wanted it very much, and wouldn't let himself see that he wasn't. The truth was he'd deceived himself. (3.4)

Do you get what's happening here? Jacob convinces himself in the café that Ton is a girl because he's attracted to Ton, but unable to conceive of himself as attracted to a boy. Hmm… it sounds to us like Jacob is just trying to convince himself he's something he's not. His freak-out about being attracted to Ton is another example of Jacob's struggle to figure out who he is—and another example of the work he still has to do on this.

A big part of finding your own identity is learning about who you're attracted to and why. When Jacob's heart races for both Ton and Hille, he gets confused—what does it mean? Is he gay? A million questions flood his mind, but eventually he figures out that he doesn't just have to be one thing. He can like both guys and gals and still be himself, just like Daan.

Dear Diary

Remember when Jacob admits he doesn't just love Anne Frank; he's in love with her? Even he is surprised by his spontaneous confession to Alma. He tries to explain it to her:

I do feel as if I know her better than anyone else. I mean, better than any of my family or friends. (4.108)

It's clear Jacob's got a special place in his heart for Anne Frank, and in case we didn't catch it before, he spells it out for us here. He feels such a deep connection with her, despite the fact that she's just available in a book. It's, to say the least, sort of unusual.

In a lot of ways, though, this attraction makes sense. Think about it. Have you ever loved a book so much you want to read it over and over again? You get to hear the character's innermost thoughts and ideas, and by the end, you know stuff about that character you don't even know about your real life friends—and in doing so, different ways of being in the world and of interpreting it are opened up for you.

Considering that Jacob is struggling to figure out who he is, it makes sense that he'd feel such connection with Anne Frank—she's doing the same thing in her diary, after all.

Eventually though, Jacob realizes that Anne isn't just a fictional character or someone in a book—she was a real girl who lived through a horrible experience. When he visits her house, he suddenly feels overwhelmed with how much he—and everyone else—has invaded her privacy. He makes another confession to Alma about his visit to her house, telling her:

Yes, the diary itself. Well, I saw the diary and I could hardly bear it any more. The pictures in her room were bad enough. But they weren't her. Not Anne herself. But the diary—! When you come to think of it, that's what she was. That's what she is! Her diary is Anne. The book she wrote. Her handwriting. Her words that she wrote with her pen. (22.60)

Sadly, her diary is all that's left of Anne. Wait a second… if you think about it, that's kind of like how all Jacob has left of his grandpa is Geertrui's memoir and tokens. Interesting.

Mouse Moods

Look out, Mickey, because mice are not welcome in this novel. In fact, Jacob—and his grandma, Sarah—call his bad moods "mouse moods." And here we were thinking mice are kind of cute…

Jacob explains his strange name for a bad mood after his depressing run in Amsterdam. He remembers back to when he found a mouse inside and tried to help it get out—but instead, he accidentally poked too hard and killed the little fella. He was in a bad mood after that, which prompted his grandma to call this his "mouse mood." Thanks, Gram.

A couple days after the mouse incident, Jacob has a dream about being in a cupboard, or some small space—he sees a small mouse in the corner lying very still and wonders if it's alive. Just then though, the mouse changes into a human child with an abnormally large head. Huh? Jacob taps the kid on the head because it freaks him out, and then he repeatedly the child to keep it from coming closer to him. Finally, blood comes out of the kid's head, and Jacob hits him again. Yikes, right? The kid's eyes have been closed up until now, but suddenly he opens them.

And guess what? The kid is Jacob.

This dream is a doozy, but it's also packing a symbolic punch (as dreams so often do in books). Check out what Jacob thinks about during the dream:

But now he is thinking to himself between each blow: What am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this! Why am I doing this? I don't want to do this! But goes on hitting him again and again till the child is in such big close-up the only part of him Jacob can see is his injured bleeding head. (3.19)

Did you notice how he doesn't want to hit the kid, but is almost overcome with the impulse to do it? This represents Jacob's inability to control his emotions—he doesn't want to be in a "mouse mood," but just can't help it—and since he's thinking back to this dream after his confusing interaction with Ton, it also represents his inability to sort out his sexual attraction. Just as he doesn't get why he's doing what he's doing in the dream, so too is he baffled by how he's handled Ton so far.

As for being the kid who's beat up in the dream, this symbolizes how much Jacob suffers at his own hand. He struggles with himself—either over moods or who he wants to make out with—and the person who is hurt most by this process is, well, him. Until he makes peace with his feelings (which, worry not, he seems well on his way to doing by the time the book ends), he's the only one he has to blame for his misery. The dream symbolizes just how important it is for Jason's happiness that he makes peace with who he is.