Cam Attling

Character Analysis

Our main dude goes through a tough time in the book, to say the least. First he goes off to war where his side loses and he's the only one to come back alive. Oh—and did we mention that he loses an arm while fighting? Because he does. And when he recounts this for us, it's one of the only times we get gory details about the war:

"His sword did swing and the blood, it did just… jump from my arm and hit him, face and chest and hands, and he… he staggered back and fell over a body, so he was kneeling there, righting himself, using his sword as a prop, and I was looking at him, and his eyes met mine and it wasn't… They look different, don't they, but his eyes showed the same, I mean, a person, just a person. Like me." (4.103)

We like to keep blood not jumping, just for the record, but since there are so few descriptions of battle in this novel we figured we'd best highlight this one from Cam. Plus it shows us something super favorable about this outcast dude: he's able to recognize the humanity in his enemy. He sees that Gyaar is just like himself, and when he does, well, he just can't kill the dude. Importantly, though, in his recounting of his moment, he doesn't glorify his decision—and because of this, we understand that he did the right thing for the right reason, instead of to boost his own notoriety.

Blade Runner

Despite losing an arm, we get the idea that the war is somewhat of an adventure for Cam. In fact, at first he's even excited to go. Perhaps this excitement and sense of adventure plays a part in his difficulty adjusting once he returns home:

Cam had a hunger in him. He didn't know what it was, and he didn't know how to assuage it. It was an always-hunger, but worse now, in this after-the-war stillness. (5.1)

Something tells us he won't be satisfied by a burger and fries. Cam hungers for life, adventure, thrills—and this hunger first inspires him to join the war, and then prompts him to run away in search of answers. This appetite is sort of a never-ending cycle for Cam.

When he runs away from his family, he's not just searching for answers, but also trying to do something other than sit around all day in a boring existence. In other words, once Cam tastes war, he can't get away from it—whether he likes it or not. The drama and terror of fighting is in his mind and body, and he can't help with crops or have everyday conversations anymore. A lot of Cam's journey reminds us that for soldiers the war doesn't end when they come home—it's just as real in their minds and memories, so much so that sometimes they can't seem to escape it.

Suffering from PTSD

Did you notice that Cam is a little traumatized from his experiences in the war? Okay—that's an understatement. He's more than a little traumatized—dude's drinking to ease his pain, can't even talk about the war with anyone, and has horrific nightmares about what happened to him out there. If Cam were alive today, he'd probably be diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

But Cam's not just stuck in his head, and in a lot of ways, his missing arm is a physical reminder of his time on the battlefield. He may not have died out there, but he certainly didn't walk away unscathed, and any time he might forget, his arm's right there—or, you know, not right there—to remind him. (For more on Cam's lost limb, be sure to check out the "Symbols" section.)

The one thing that finally helps Cam though, is talking about the war with someone else who understands because he was there too—Gyaar. These two might be enemies, but only they really know what happened on the battlefield and beyond, so it's no surprise that they wind up helping each other get through the trauma. It's a poignant moment when they meet up. Check this out:

Cam was a voice, a deeper darkness in the dark night, that was all. "Here is another: You looked at me and it was like looking into a mirror, in time to come." (12.204)

Uplander, Downlander, who cares? Gyaar and Cam become friends because they both chose to spare the other's life during the war. Plus they remind each other of something or someone—Gyaar sees his older brother when he looks at Cam, and Cam can't help but see himself in the young lord. In a weird way, going back to confront Gyaar is the best thing Cam does, because it gives him a sense of closure that he couldn't get at home—seeing Gyaar again is like getting back in touch with himself.

Homeward Bound?

Speaking of home, Cam never does return to his family. We're a little sad when he doesn't, but we are left with a pretty big promise. He writes to Pin:

"I am tall and grown now (Pin laughed) and I stay away because I no longer know how to come home. When I figure it out, then expect me! You could not do better than Acton Mansto. Of course I think of you all, all the time." (16.144)

See? He'll come home… someday. We want to believe that he loves his family and misses them (like he claims), but we're not sure that he'll ever come back to them. In a way, he's formed a new family with Gyaar—someone who understands him and what he's been through, unlike his mom and dad. Whether he returns or not doesn't really matter, though. What matters is that this book ends on an uncertain note when it comes to Cam and his life path—which is the perfect ending for a dude who thirsts for adventure.