I thought Shakespeare only wrote histories, tragedies, and comedies…

And I thought he only wrote plays and sonnets—had no idea he did movies, too. Wow. How did he find the time?

Wow, okay. Well, it's not a thriller by Shakespeare—it's a thriller about Shakespeare. Did he actually write those plays? Did he commit a brutal murder to cover up the evidence that someone else wrote them? Sounds like a real nail-biter! Who's in?

Well, Stephen, we're New Critics. We don't care whether Shakespeare wrote Othello or Romeo and Juliet.

So that's a no?

Actually, it sounds like a hoot. Count us in—but we'll just watch the movie for the cinematography.

I'm always up for a good crazy rally. But what are the Neo-Romantics—a new band?

Michel—for someone so wise, you can be kind of closed off from the world outside of Post-Structuralism. Neo-Romantics are those wacky folks who still wallow in the Romantic belief that identity is everything.

You mean like Lord Byron's whole "Mad, bad, and dangerous to know" thing?

Exactly. There are more people who know that he was a club-footed Casanova than there are people who have read "Child Harold's Pilgrimage."

Well, he was the Byronic hero. I have to admit I like his whole dreamy image. I can't reject the Romantics. After all, I always wear a black turtleneck, so I feel sort of like a spiritual brother to those emotional guys.

Okay. Well, I haven't heard back from you. Can you give me a sign?

How's this?

Not the sign I was hoping for.

This is how they give the sign in Italy.

Obviously, I need to apologize. Again. You two have been intellectual spirit guides in my development of Reader Response Theory.

I believe I speak for both of us when I say that I don't see our imprint in your work. What with your excessive faith in the reader as a "mediating presence." I mean…

But I called you two "enormously influential"!

Well, clearly not "enormously influential" enough!