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The Catcher in the Rye 114660 Views
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Description:
Welcome to the first world problem pity parade. Strap in.
Transcript
- 00:02
The Catcher in the Rye, a la Shmoop.
- 00:06
My name is Holden Caulfield, and I'm going to tell you about the worst weekend any teenager [Holden talking]
- 00:11
has ever had to suffer.
- 00:13
And I’d just like to start off by saying… none of this stupid stuff ever would have [Family crying]
- 00:17
happened if it had been me that had gotten leukemia and died, instead of my brother Allie. [Allie Caulfield's gravestone]
Full Transcript
- 00:23
Fate is just cruel and stupid sometimes.
- 00:26
But okay, here goes.
- 00:27
On the Saturday before Christmas break, I lost the fencing team's equipment on the subway [Holden leaves the fencing equipment on a bench]
- 00:33
and missed the biggest football game of the year.
- 00:35
Then I went to chat with my history teacher, but he started reading at me from a paper
- 00:40
I wrote and I was like, "dude, seriously, I know what I wrote, you don't have to read [Teacher holding up a paper]
- 00:45
it back to me."
- 00:46
To top everything off, I got into it with my roommate, and he beat me up. [Holden gets punched by his room mate]
- 00:51
Oh…did I forget to mention?
- 00:52
I was also expelled from my super-expensive private school. [Holden walking away from Pencey Prep school]
- 00:56
Yeah…and this is just Day One of the Worst Weekend Ever.
- 01:00
So I skipped out on ol' Pencey Prep and headed to New York City, thinking I'd spend a few
- 01:05
days in the Big Apple before reporting back to the parentals. [Holden sat on a train]
- 01:09
I ended up in the not-so-swanky Edmont Hotel.
- 01:13
If only we had had Yelp back then… [Hotel with missing windows and a broken sign]
- 01:15
We were also missing Netflix, so I had to find a way to kill time.
- 01:20
Which is how I ended up looking for a lady to spend some…ya know…quality time with… [Holden walking up to a lady on the street]
- 01:25
Give her the time, y'know what I'm saying here right people?
- 01:28
It didn't work out too hot.
- 01:30
I got pimp-punched for my trouble. [Holden gets punched in the face again]
- 01:32
But there's a always a lesson to be learned, and the takeaway here?
- 01:35
Be grateful for Netflix.
- 01:37
Then it was Sunday.
- 01:38
I know what you're thinking…
- 01:39
"It's a new day!
- 01:40
Things will get better!
- 01:41
Who needs Netflix?"
- 01:42
You know who says stuff like that? [Holden in bed with a black eye]
- 01:44
Phonies, that's who.
- 01:45
Anyway, I went on a date with this girl I knew, shot my mouth off, and well she ditched me… [The girl stands up and punches Holden]
- 01:51
…then I bought a record for my kid sister, Phoebe, which I promptly broke.
- 01:55
Can't a guy catch a break? [Holden accidentally drops the record]
- 01:57
While my folks were away from home, I went to visit Phoebe.
- 02:00
I told her that I was the catcher in the rye…y'know, the guy who's supposed to save children from
- 02:05
falling off the cliff and losing their innocence, or whatever... [Kid falls off a cliff and Holden catches him]
- 02:09
Hey, it made sense when I said it.
- 02:11
But soon enough, my parents came back, and I escaped from the apartment to see my old
- 02:14
English teacher, Mr. Antolini, who didn't much care for my whole “catcher in the rye” shtick. [Holden meets english teacher in the gym]
- 02:20
I fell asleep at Mr. Antolini's, but woke up in the middle of the night to find him
- 02:24
patting my head, like I was some kind of dog, or something. [Mr. Antolini patting Holden's head]
- 02:27
Anyway, it kind of weirded me out, so I left.
- 02:30
I wandered around for a while before I decided to head out west and live as a recluse, because [Holden walking down a street]
- 02:35
that makes about as much sense as anything else I've done.
- 02:38
However, after I broke Phoebe's heart by telling her she couldn't come with me... [Phoebe crying]
- 02:42
...I decided to stay home.
- 02:43
I took Phoebe to the zoo and she rode the carousel and she was so happy that…I dunno, [Holden and Phoebe look excited]
- 02:48
it made me kinda happy…
- 02:49
And… well that's about it.
- 02:50
That was how I ended my worst weekend ever.
- 02:53
And now?
- 02:54
Well, now I'm in a mental hospital, where I hang around with this guy named Jerry who [Holden walks over to Jerry]
- 02:58
goes on and on about conspiracy theories and what an evil jerk Jean-Luc Picard is. [Jerry starts to shake]
- 03:03
He told me I was an inspiration to the man who shot John Lennon. [Jerry looks angry]
- 03:07
So hey… things are looking up!
- 03:08
Huh, well would you look at that?
- 03:10
I'm being phony.
- 03:12
Life blows.
- 03:13
But hey…on the bright side, only a few more decades until Netflix comes around. [A TV plays static]
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