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Catching Fire, a la Shmoop. Have you ever met that one perfect girl who

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makes your heart go pitter pat? Maybe she doesn't know you're alive, but you keep hoping…

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And then, one day, your dreams come true, and you're trapped in a cave together, with

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nothing to do but defy your evil government, achieve TV history, and make out!

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What, that hasn’t happened to you? Huh… must be a Panem <Pan-uhm> thing.

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So anyway… Katniss and I were the first duo ever to win the Hunger Games. Big deal.

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That was before I realized her affections were only camera deep. …

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Man, what women will do to survive a cutthroat fight to the death! Gotta hand it to Katniss,

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though...that girl is on fire. She got all the districts riled up …

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…and ticked off President Snow.

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Even Katniss’ jewelry caused trouble. Her Mockingjay pin is now a symbol of revolution

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in the districts. Some poor shmuck even got shot for making a bird call at one of our

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speeches!

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Of course, there were consequences...Gale got the snot beaten out of him, which I didn't

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lose much sleep over…

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…and we got sent back into the arena for a big “all-star” version of the game.

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I lost lots of sleep over that one. ...WHY did I sign up for the sequel?  

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Nightmares and romantic angst aside, being shipped back to almost certain death wasn't

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all bad… I can think of worse things than snuggling with Katniss on a live television

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interview.

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Plus, I totally worked that stage. You should have seen the audience when I announced that

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Katniss was pregnant! Come to think of it, she was a little surprised, too.

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Maybe I should have warned her about that one. But hey, at least she got a feathered

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wedding dress out of the deal. There were some different faces in the Hunger

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Games competition this year...not surprising, since all the others from last year are pushing

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up daisies.

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I wasn't happy when we teamed up with that ladies' man, Finnick. Hey, there are enough

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rippling biceps in this group, thank you very much...

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The Gamemakers had some thoughtful surprises prepared, like blood-rain and poison gas.

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Whatever happened to “passing Go and winning two hundred dollars?”

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Then there were the killer monkeys…now that’s just plain wrong. I guess I should be thankful

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that they didn’t have wings and old timey bellboy hats.

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We picked up a couple of brainiacs along the way... Wiress <WHY-russ>, who liked to make

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clock noises, and Beetee, who was an electrical guru. Plus, Johanna <Yo-hawn-uh>, who was

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kind of hard to read.

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With all that ticking, I was a little worried that something was going to explode, but Katniss

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was some kind of genius whisperer...she figured out that the arena was clock shaped, and helped

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form a plan to fry some of the other tributes.

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It didn’t work, but Katniss used the wire to blow a hole in the arena...she's so cute

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when she's shooting things...and Finnick, Beetee and Katniss all escaped onto a hovercraft

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with our mentor, Haymitch…

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…and the game mastermind Plutarch <Ploo-Tark>, who was apparently a huge fan of Katniss and

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that whole rebellion thing.

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Everything was awesome, but I think Katniss forgot something. Oh, yeah, ME!

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So now Johanna and I are in the hands of President Snow, who has got to lay off those rose-scented

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mints. Man, I need a vacation. As soon as this torture

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thing is over, I think I’ll head back home, to good ol’ District 12.

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