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In the beginning, God created Shmoop. How else could we have been there to give you this first-hand account of everything that went down back then?
The Bible: Genesis, Part 2 7609 Views
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Description:
You've been warned, Jerry. You've been warned.
Transcript
- 00:04
Shmoopin' the Bible! Genesis, part two. Hello and welcome back [Bible on a chair]
- 00:09
to Shmoopin' the Bible I'm Cecil B deShmoop and well so let's just pick up right
- 00:13
where we left off smack dab in the middle of Genesis, and in case you need a [Cecil talking in front of a fireplace]
- 00:17
refresher lots of things were created, some fruit was eaten, lots of things were
- 00:21
lost including unicorns, and the relief of a pleasant breeze on a hot day. Moral [Naked Adam stretches in a field]
Full Transcript
- 00:27
of the story, don't eat fruit. But try telling my heart doctor that you know..
- 00:32
Alrighty let's jump back in with the story of Babel which is basically a
- 00:36
bunch of people coming together in the Valley of Shinar to create the first
- 00:39
civilization. Under one language they built a tower that reaches the heavens. [People working on a tower]
- 00:44
Yeah, take that NASA! God sees what's happening and is like whoa, whoa, whoa
- 00:50
guys this is my territory, can't have you doing this. Here's what's gonna happen.
- 00:56
I'm going to confuse your language and scatter you so you don't get this close [Two builders try to talk in different languages]
- 01:00
to my place again we need to define our boundaries and no you can't keep a tooth
- 01:05
brush here. So if you've ever been lost in a foreign country and tried to get
- 01:09
directions only to have someone call the cops on you and you end up spending the
- 01:12
night behind bars in Amsterdam, well.. now you know why. Not that I'm speaking from [Cecil in a cell with prisoners]
- 01:17
experience... yeah. So we've reviewed the creation of humanity and civilization
- 01:24
what next what next, aha yes, Israel's creation story well Abram and his wife
- 01:30
Sarai are Egypt bound to avoid famine. Good idea guys.. Well before they arrive [Abram and Sarai in a horse and cart]
- 01:36
Abram and Sarai agree to tell the Egyptians that Sarai is his sister. Why?
- 01:41
Well turns out Sarai is basically a supermodel and Abram knows that the
- 01:45
Egyptians will kill him to get to her. So they headed into Egypt disguised as
- 01:50
siblings and what do you know it works out. Pharaoh was quite taken with Sarai
- 01:54
and accepts both her and her brother into his court all is going well until God [Pharaoh shows a particular liking to Sarai]
- 01:59
sends a few pesky plagues Egypt's way. Somehow Pharaoh connects Abram and Sarai
- 02:04
to these plagues and he gives them the boot so much like Willie Nelson they're
- 02:08
on the road again! On the road again.. so let's be honest they're
- 02:12
probably a little more alert than Willie. Coming along for the ride is Abram's [Willie Nelson laid on the back of a horse]
- 02:16
nephew, Lot and all their bickering servants. They bicker so much that they
- 02:21
eventually force them to split ways and split land well Lot chooses Sodom, Abram
- 02:27
takes Kenan. Long story short, Lot didn't choose wisely, bad luck. Abram makes a
- 02:33
covenant with God who says you're Abraham now your wife is Sarah now and [God changes their name badges]
- 02:38
you'll have a boy call him Isaac oh and I don't know invent circumcision or
- 02:44
something see ya. I'd imagine Abraham face looked something like this. Back [Abraham looks shocked]
- 02:50
inside and Lot's neighbors are rapists and sex addicts which makes my neighbor
- 02:54
look like a saint even if he still hasn't returned my game of thrones box
- 02:58
set. Jerry, hmm? Anyway God's like this place is the worst so I'm gonna nuke it
- 03:06
good? Good. And he tells a lot to leave and not look back well Lot's wife must [God holding a bomb with a timer]
- 03:12
have missed the memo. She kept telling Lot to stick memos on the fridge but did
- 03:16
he ever remember? Of course not, so she ends up looking back and turns into a
- 03:20
pillar of salt why well maybe as punishment for secretly wanting that way of life
- 03:24
maybe she was just checking to see if she turned the stove off and saw God [Sarai turns back and sees God dancing]
- 03:29
that's not super clear. No matter the reason lot never had to buy salt for his
- 03:34
popcorn again, you know hey waste not want not. Anyway back to Abraham and
- 03:38
Sarah, in what might be one of my least favorite biblical turns of event 90 year
- 03:44
old Sarah gives birth to Isaac. 90 years old think about that people. I mean come
- 03:50
on you should have one foot in the grave not two in the stirrups. Ya know what we
- 03:54
mean there. Anyway, some time passes and Abraham sends a servant to get Isaac [The Sun rises and Abraham's servant leaves]
- 03:59
a wife. He returns with Rebecca, well Abe and Sarah die after living good long
- 04:05
lives, full of way too much childbirth for one of them, and Isaac and Rebecca
- 04:09
wed and have twins Esau and Jacob and I keep narrating this seemingly
- 04:14
never-ending video. On to Jacob well Jacob's biblical highlight-reel includes a
- 04:19
trippy dream while traveling to find a wife, he has a vision of a ladder.
- 04:23
Remeber Jacob's Ladder? A stairway to heaven if you will,
- 04:26
was Led Zep around back then? Maybe.. He sees messengers of God going up and down the [Jacob dreams of a ladder and flying Led Zep members]
- 04:31
stairway then he hears God say "Kenan will be yours" And so it comes to pass.
- 04:37
I'm really glad my dreams don't come true or that would be way too much slow motion
- 04:41
running away from clowns for my taste. Anyway Jacob renames Kenan Bethel, which [Cecil running away from clowns with balloons]
- 04:47
means house of God well gods like, I want to rename things too, and he re dubs
- 04:52
Jacob, Israel and now our story shifts to Jacobs favorite son Joseph and honestly
- 04:58
there's a whole musical about this featuring a long-haired Donny Osmond.
- 05:02
Not sure if I can top that so no hard feelings if you stop the video now. No? Alright..
- 05:06
Well so Joe's brothers are super jealous that he's the favorite and prank him by
- 05:11
stealing his coat and selling him to some dudes headed for Egypt. Kinda like a slave.. [Josephs brothers try to sell him and offer a 'I Love Mom' mug as part of the deal]
- 05:17
Prank him yeah.. Pretty sure that's actually just illegal, but you know boys will be boys.
- 05:21
Anyway they dipped Joe's coat in blood and show it to Jacob to convince
- 05:26
him that yep dear old Joe is dearly departed Joe. As for what actually
- 05:31
happened well they have him sold to the Pharaohs head bodyguard whose wife tries
- 05:35
to seduce him. Joes not having any part of it and she gets angry so she claims [Joseph backs away]
- 05:40
he tried to rape her even though Joe did no such thing it's off to jail for him but
- 05:45
here's the plot twist we've all been waiting for. Joe has prophetic dream so
- 05:51
the Pharaoh drops by to pay him a visit and is like, can you tell me what that
- 05:54
showing up to class naked dream means oh and can you take a crack at this one [Pharaoh stood naked in front of classmates]
- 06:00
while Joe listens to the dream patiently which is impressive enough as it is
- 06:04
nothing is more boring than someone telling you a long dream well you really
- 06:09
want is your game of thrones box set back, Jerry! Right well Joe tells
- 06:14
Pharaoh that Egypt will have seven years of abundance followed by seven
- 06:18
years of famine, he advises Egypt to get a manager for the impending food boom and doom.
- 06:23
Well Pharaoh was super impressed and gives Joseph a job working for him [Joseph by the Pharaoh's side]
- 06:27
though he would still like to know what that underwear dream means.
- 06:31
And wouldn't you know it famine hits. People come in need of food among those people
- 06:36
well Joseph's brothers who in another great plot twist don't recognize him, man
- 06:42
this could be an episode of scandal or something. So Joseph sees an opportunity [Cecil at the White House press room]
- 06:45
to get even he calls them spies and locks one up but then he's like "Nah, I'm just
- 06:51
kidding surprise it's me Joseph" and he lets them return home with food which
- 06:55
just proves Joseph might be the nicest tamest guy around they literally sold him
- 07:00
into slavery and he just goes "hey wouldn't it be funny if I pretended to [Joseph being sent to Egypt in a cage]
- 07:04
lock one of them up for a hot second and gave them food and money and even though
- 07:08
they basically left me for dead sent them home?" Yep seriously, nicest guy in the
- 07:13
world award. So Joseph is reunited with his brothers and his Pops and they're all
- 07:18
a happy family again and with that we can finally close the book on Genesis. Be
- 07:22
sure to join me next time when we check out Exodus, until then I'm Cecil B deShmoop
- 07:27
and I'm not as nice as Joseph, I'm getting that box set back Jerry. You [Cecil with a balaclava on about to break into a house]
- 07:31
You watch your back there..
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