You accidentally follow the wrong guide group on your first day of your Operation Smiles Rwanda mission and instead of suturing baby clefts you are asked to sew up the mouth of a rebel dictator. You decline. They shoot you. Game over.

You get assigned a hospital in Denver to do a charitable operation with a world class surgeon with a reputation for being high strung. Before the operation you say something about the surgeon’s taste in music choice for the operation. Maybe the Ramones’s I Wanna Be Sedated is a bit harsh, you suggest. The famous surgeon now hates you. You’re fired.

Your first surgery in China goes well. You and your team fix 250 cleft palates, burns and other deformities in two weeks. Unfortunately, they only gave you a week off at your job and so you’ve been replaced. Bummer.

You successfully complete a mission in Vietnam, where you single-handedly repair 130 cleft palates, burns and skin grafts. You return a hero. Everyone wants to hear about your mission. You get lots of dates and the local paper does a nice write up on you that your mother copies and sends to all of your relatives.

You are a veteran surgical philanthropist. You have helped thousands of children by repairing clefts, deformities, burns. The President invited you to the White House for dinner and Brad Pitt wants to play you in the movie version of your life story.