First of all, it’s spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A. Second, because you can have your driver privilege restricted or suspended completely.

Each time you have a mark on your record, it stays there for 36 months (or longer, if you did something really shady). You can be deemed a negligent operator by the Negligent Operator Treatment System (NOTS) and lose your license if you accumulate 4 points in 12 months time, 6 points in 24 months or 8 points in a 36-month span. If you can put up 30 points in 42 minutes you’ll probably make tonight’s highlight reel on ESPN.

Here are a few examples of what can get you points on your driving record:

Like a Vandal in the Wind

If you absolutely must destroy something, either break a pencil or beat up on your pillow. It’s far too costly to be caught doing anything worse, such as spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a bridge or keying your ex-boyfriend’s Mustang. If already licensed, you can lose your license for up two years; if you’re not there yet, you can have the issuance of your license delayed for up to three years. And you’re going to need your license, because it sounds like you’ll have to be doing a lot of running from the authorities.

1-pointers

• Traffic conviction
• An at-fault collision
• Driving a Nissan Cube

• Reckless driving
• Hit-and-run
• DUI
• Driving under a suspended license
• Rear-ending someone important, like a celebrity