A lot, and it ain’t pretty. Both the DPS and the courts can take separate action against you, potentially suspending your driving privilege, suspending or revoking your license, costing you fines, sentencing you to jail time, and forcing you to attend a regular DUI class. About the only thing they can’t do is have you hanged, but they’re working on that. Just be thankful you weren’t pulled over in Texas.

And don’t think that just because you goof up when operating a non-car-type vehicle it can’t hurt you in the driving department. If you were previously found to be operating any vessel on the water while under the influence, the courts can look at this when determining how to sentence you for a DUI obtained in a motor vehicle. Remember that family of ducks you killed last summer when jet-skiing at your grandmother’s lake house? Really coming back to haunt you now, isn’t it?

Urine Trouble, Buddy

If you are pulled over and suspected of driving while intoxicated, law enforcement officers have the right to test your breath, blood, and possibly even your urine if you are arrested. For this reason, try also to avoid eating asparagus for at least thirty minutes before leaving the house.

If you have been detained and are suspected of driving drunk, you will have to perform a breath test or some other chemical test to determine your BAC. It had better register as less than 0.08%, or you’re going to be in major trouble. They haven’t yet invented a drink that doesn’t go coursing through your blood stream after consumption, so don’t start thinking you might be able to slip one past the cops.

Now suppose the officer has reason to believe you have also been taking drugs (e.g. you are patting him on the head and ordering him to roll over). In this instance you may be asked to take a urine test.

You will receive an automatic license suspension if you refuse to take any of these tests, as it will appear that you are guilty. In fact, it would be pretty stupid to refuse if you hadn’t been drinking, unless you have truly embarrassing urine. Like, if it’s purple or something. Even still, just take the pee test and do what you can to come up with a good story that will explain the unusual color.