We know that where you are going at any given time is vastly more important than where everyone else on the road is headed. Nevertheless, it is only polite (not to mention safer) to share the road with others and not be a lane hog.

Big Rigs and RVs

Larger vehicles take twice as long to stop as you do, so take that into account when driving behind or in front of one. Obviously, you should never slam on the brakes unnecessarily when there is traffic behind you, but your troubles can multiply when you do so in front of a big truck. You don’t want to be sharing their windshield with a mass of bug splatter.

A trucker’s blind spot is referred to as the “No Zone”, and you’d be well off to avoid driving in it. The bigger the vehicle, the bigger the blind spots, so avoid driving right alongside big rigs and RVs, especially where you think you may be blocked from view. If you can’t see the driver or his mirrors, he probably can’t see you. And that’s a shame, because your hair looks really nice today.

You may have noticed those “Makes Wide Right Turns” signs on the back of some larger vehicles. This is because the rear wheels follow a shorter path than do the front wheels any time a vehicle is making a turn, and this is exaggerated when you are dealing with a long truck. Therefore, unless you want to be decapitated by a semi, remain back until it has completed its turn. Also, because these vehicles swing wide to make those right turns, don’t assume they are turning left just because they start out in that direction. You may be a fan of David versus Goliath stories, but if you try taking on a big rig, you’re going to be one very flat David.

Please be careful in general when driving near large trucks. Don’t cut them off to get to your exit in a hurry; you can always take the next exit and double back. It may cost you a few minutes, but it’s a better deal than six to ten weeks of physical rehabilitation. Don’t follow them too closely, and don’t attempt to beat them through intersections. If you have an uncontrollable need for speed, get it out of your system by multi-tabling poker online. Aye, there’s the rush.

Buses, Streetcars and Trolleys, OH MY

Be cautious in areas where these vehicles may be traveling, especially at intersections where pedestrians may be boarding them. Don’t drive through a safety zone if there is one; if there isn’t, stop behind the vehicle’s nearest door or vehicle platform and wait until all travelers are safely off the road. That means both of their feet. If you are at an intersection where an officer or signal controls traffic, you may pass the vehicle at a maximum of 10 mph. Meh, it’s still faster than walking.

You should not pass any light rail vehicle or streetcar on the left side unless one of the following applies:

1. You are on a one-way street.
2. There is not enough room to pass on the right.
3. A traffic officer directs you to do so.
4. You are the Second Coming of Christ and have been commanded as such by your father, the Almighty Lord. Third and Fourth Comings must still obey the rule. Please make sure your appointment as Second Coming has been approved by the proper church officials.

Light-Rail Vehicles

Here are a few tips to share the road safely with light-rail vehicles:

1. Be aware of where they operate and how smoothly the vehicles are maneuvered. Be wary of smooth operators.
2. Never turn in front of one that is approaching from the opposite direction. An accident with a light-rail vehicle still equals heavy-headache.
3. Keep a safe distance. So, like, several thousand miles from San Francisco.
4. Check both ways down a light-rail track before crossing it, and only do so if a signal indicates that you may. No, the signal may not be your father, but it can tell you what to do.

Emergency Vehicles

No matter how badly you’re itching for a chipwich, an ice cream truck does not count as an emergency vehicle. We’re referring more to cop cars, fire engines, ambulances, and any other vehicle sporting a siren and red lights. If you hear/see one of these coming up behind you, slow down, pull off to the right side of the road, and bring your vehicle to a stop. This is assuming you are not in the middle of an intersection, in which case you should not pull off until you have cleared it. If you are not sure where the siren is coming from, pull over just to be on the safe side. If the sound of the siren is coming to you in the form of the ragtime classic ‘The Entertainer,’ it could be that what you are actually hearing is one of those aforementioned ice cream trucks. Only pull over if you have 75 cents on you.

Traffic directions given by anyone driving in or on an emergency vehicle override all other signs, signals or laws, so be sure to obey them. If, for example, someone driving a fire engine tells you to stick your hand in your glove box and slam it really hard, do it. They almost certainly have a good reason. You could be saving a life.

Once an emergency vehicle passes you, don’t drive closer than 500 feet behind them while their siren or flashing lights are in use. And don’t be a doofus and follow them just so you can gaze at whatever destruction or wreckage it is that they are responding to, as you will almost certainly get in their way and impede their progress. You could even be arrested. If you absolutely must look upon a hideous accident, why don’t you go home and look in the mirror. Ooh, snap!

Slow-Moving Vehicles

Some vehicles are not meant or able to drive at the same speed as the rest of traffic, so you’ll need to be aware of these and exhibit some patience. Such a vehicle will sometimes feature a symbol that looks like this:

This includes tractors, carts, road maintenance vehicles, and animal-drawn vehicles that will often be traveling at speeds under 25 mph. (Don’t honk your horn at animal-drawn vehicles as you might spook them. The animals, not the vehicles.) This also includes regular automobiles driven by silver-haired men and women, but show some patience with them, too. While they may not have any prophetic, shamanistic powers, they are still our elders, and we should give them a break. After all, they invented television.

You might also see a variety of other vehicles out there that are allowed to drive on certain roads, including wheelchairs, scooters, and golf carts. Slow down, and don’t drive too closely to them. Also, if you have the time, see if you can help them find any errant golf balls.

NEV and LSV

Hey, those aren’t words! Good catch; they’re acronyms. We can almost feel you getting smarter.

Neighborhood Electric Vehicles (NEV) and Low-Speed Vehicles (LSV) have lanes of their own in some Illinois towns, most often in or near retirement communities and golf courses. They don’t get up past 25 mph and so are restricted from most areas. But if you do see a lane marked as NEV USE ONLY, don’t drive in it (obvi), and be on the lookout for one of these:

Cute, huh? Yeah, we think they look pretty silly, too, but there will be human beings inside, so resist the urge to ram it.

Motorcycles

Motorcycles are smaller than other vehicles (aside from tricycles, perhaps, but you won’t see many of those out on the interstate), so watch for these when scanning, and keep your distance when you do spot one. They’d be really great for target practice if it wasn’t for those messy red and black skid marks left behind that represent whatever’s left of the driver.

Motorcyclists are pretty unprotected out there (don’t be fooled by their helmets), so show them some consideration. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable by driving too close, passing quickly and unnecessarily, or shouting “Your mama drives a Kawasaki 750 Triple 1V!” out your window. That’s just rude. I hear your Aunt Shari drives one of those, anyway.

Motorcyclists should (but do not always) follow certain rules to make themselves more visible:

1. Wear a brightly colored jacket, vest, and helmet. So much for trying to look like a badass on your Harley.
2. Wear reflective material on their helmet and clothes. Not mirrors though. That’s too reflective.
3. Use turn signals when preparing to turn or change lanes. See? These motorcyclists are not so different from us after all!
4. Flash their brake lights when preparing to slow down or stop. Amazing how flashing lights tend to catch the eye.
5. Do frequent handstands on their bike seat to draw attention to themselves. Okay, we actually can’t recommend this one. Save it for the X-games, pal.

As the driver of another vehicle on the road, you must respect the right-of-way of motorcyclists. Here are a few tips:

1. Always make a visual check for motorcycles when turning off of or onto a major street, or when changing lanes. Motorcycles can disappear easily behind one of your blind spots, so look in your mirrors as well.
2. Leave a four-second gap between yourself and a motorcyclist who is traveling ahead of you. They can stop more quickly than you can. Don’t take this personally; it’s just science.
3. Give a motorcyclist a full lane in which to travel. They may be narrower than a full-sized vehicle, but do you really need to get right up on them? That’s not what we meant by “sharing the road.”
4. Watch for motorcyclists when getting ready to turn, and don’t begin your turn until you can be absolutely certain that you will be able to complete it before they arrive at an intersection. If they hit you mid-turn, nobody wins. Least of all the insurance company. Please, for the love of God, think of the poor insurance company!
Source
5. Check for motorcyclists before opening a car door into the side of traffic. In fact, would it kill you to crawl over the gearshift and exit on the passenger side? Oh, it would? Okay, well just be careful then.
6. Remember that poor road conditions, such as potholes, loose gravel, and wet pavement, are harder on motorcyclists than they are on you. Don’t ridicule them for this, as they may be a little sensitive about it. Rather, increase the gap between you when such conditions exist, and drive with a greater degree of caution.

A Bicycle Built for Two-Way Roads

Bicycles are not restricted only to driving on bike paths and in bike lanes. While they may sometimes operate legally on sidewalks, in many areas bicyclists must share the road with regular traffic. In fact, bicycles are required to obey all signals and laws that we car-driving folk are, but it is up to us to respect their right-of-way and do all that we can to keep them safe, as they are a tad more vulnerable than we are. Yes, emotionally vulnerable. Sometimes it’s just easier to humor you.

Additionally, bicyclists:

1. Must signal clearly so that all other traffic is aware of their intentions. If, for example, they plan to propose any time soon. Ahem.
2. Keep within a single lane and not hold up traffic if riding two abreast (riding more than two abreast is illegal). They must ride single file if riding two abreast would impede the flow of traffic.
3. Must never hang onto other vehicles, carry passengers that are not in seats, or carry articles that would interfere with the control of the bicycle.
4. Should have personal identification on their person while riding. A business card with “John Doe, Cyclist,” is insufficient.
5. Must not suddenly pedal their bicycle up into the air and in front of the moon. It paints a pretty picture, but it is extremely unsafe.

During darkness, bicyclists must have the following: