5 goals, 3 assists, 2.0 GPA

Feeling a little overwhelmed by college, are we? Sorry, but with these stats, you're going to be cut from the team before you can even open your mouth to explain that the dog ate your homework.

8 goals, 10 assists, 2.3 GPA

You're meeting the minimum requirements. Unfortunately, the minimum is not going to get you anywhere near a championship trophy. If you can't pick yourself up, your school is going to start shopping around for a replacement.

13 goals, 9 assists, 3.4 GPA

You seem to be balancing athletics and academics okay, but to be honest, it seems like you care more about your grades than your scores. If training for the big game is taking too much time away from learning Ancient Greek, don't feel bad about quitting the official team for the club team. No one's going to judge, and the club team will probably be thrilled to have such a great new player.

21 goals, 15 assists, GPA 2.9

You're trucking along at a decent pace. You aren't the star player, but your stats are solid. If your teammates are as good as you are, you might make some decent headway into the championships—maybe even to the quarter-finals. It's not as exciting as the championships, of course, but it's nothing to sneeze at.

26 goals, 21 assists, 3.2 GPA

Okay, first off, how the heck are you finding the time to be this good at school and sports? And second, when you win the Big Ten Championship, will you wave at us on TV?