How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph.Page)
Quote #10
Alan did not sleep. He tried to calm his thoughts, but everything came back to what he'd almost done. Because he hadn't done anything, for years or ever, he had almost done this. Because he had no stories of valor, he had almost done this. Because the efforts he'd made toward creating something like a legacy had failed, he had almost done this. (XXVIII.152.279)
Did you ever have those fantasies about being a rock star or just doing something pretty epic, no matter how brief? Alan is no different in his desire to do something, anything, to give meaning and purpose to his life. He really wants to have that good story to tell, the legacy to leave behind him when he's gone.
All of this longing is intensified by the sheer magnitude of failure in his personal and professional life. But in his eagerness to achieve, he nearly blows the head off a Saudi shepherd boy. He wants to be the one to kill the rogue wolf because that would really be a thing. Too bad that desire for fame nearly leads to infamy.