How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph.Page)
Quote #4
Maybe if he was the sort of person who could eat someone else's hash browns, who the hotel wanted to impress so much they sent him someone else's breakfast, maybe then he was the sort of man who could get an audience with the King. (II.78.18)
Alan journeys into the Saudi Arabian desert specifically to create a new life for himself. That also means creating a new identity. But first, Alan has to figure out what kind of a man he is and how to turn that guy into the person he wants to be. And it's pretty clear that Alan wants to be a winner this go-round. If he can just do the thing that all "real winners" do (i.e. take things that really aren't theirs), then things might be okay.
Quote #5
His only weapons against her were silence, truculence; he cultivated an occasional brooding intensity. He had never been as stubborn as he was with her. This was the version of himself who spent six years with her. This version of Alan was fiery, jealous, always on his heels. He had never felt more vital. (IV.15.31)
Our hero has several "out of body" experiences in this work. Whenever he does something that he can't explain, Alan often wonders, "Just who am I?" In his relationship with his wife, Ruby, Alan finds that he becomes a totally different character.
This is not a functional response to another human being, but that's all he has against Ruby's force-of-nature personality. While he says he doesn't recognize himself in this behavior, he kinda likes it. Which just makes us wonder: who are you, Alan Clay?
Quote #6
[…] the key thing is managed awareness of your role in the world and history. Think too much and you know you are nothing. Think just enough and you know you are small, but important to some. That's the best you can do. (XV.42.107)
Alan makes another attempt here to pass some wisdom on to his daughter, Kit. It's interesting that Alan can make such grand existential observations in his letters, but has a miserable time applying them to his actual life.
In this case, Alan seems to understand that a person has to cut himself some slack in the legacy department: not everyone can be great or do great things, but it's all okay in the end. In reality, Alan can't stop being down on himself for his lack of achievement.