How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph.Page)
Quote #4
There were too many, girlfriends who became old friends, then old friends, girlfriends who got married, who aged a bit, whose kids were now grown. And then there were the dead. Dead of aneurysms, breast cancer, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It was madness. His daughter was twenty now, and soon would be thirty, and soon after, the afflictions came like rain. (III.75.27)
So it's not a surprise that Alan, already depressed about his outmoded skill set and surrounded by super young colleagues, would turn his thoughts to the inevitable. His revelation of the day? There are a thousand ways to die after a certain age. Sure, his neck lump isn't helping him have happier thoughts. But imagining the health problems Kit will have in maybe twenty years is a sure sign that Alan's gone into a very dark place.
Quote #5
There had to be some reason Alan was here…Very often the meaning was obscured. Very often it required some digging. The meaning of his life was an elusive seam of water hundreds of feet below the surface, and he would periodically drop a bucket down the well, fit it, bring it up and drink from it. But this did not sustain him for long. (VII.1.59)
Alan doesn't know much about anything—including his purpose in life. His run of bad luck clouds his internal vision even more: he can't even say that being an ace salesman is his reason for living. It's worth noting that Alan landing in a desert at this time in his life (no Water of Clarity there!) is no coincidence. His "spiritual dehydration" won't be relieved any time soon.
Quote #6
Their faces said, You are not supposed to be there, fifty feet under the earth, walking like that, pacing, angry, recounting unchangeable events from not just your own past but that of the country as a whole. (XVII.82.137)
At this moment, Alan gets caught pacing maniacally in the unfinished foundation of a giant building. He's not supposed to be there, in so many ways. He could never imagine that he would be at this point in his life: depressed, bankrupt, divorced, middle-aged, unaccomplished. Well, and also, he's really not supposed to be in the foundations of the building. Even he acknowledges the oddity that his life has become.