Dead Grandmas and Ferraris (Not a Glam Punk Band)
- We're back at the high school. Different class this time; we're thinking it's English since the teacher's asking about the symbolism of a prison. As usual, none of the students are even remotely interested.
- If you're a comedy nerd, you probably recognized that the English teacher is played by comedy legend Del Close. And if not, hey—that's Del Close. Now you know.
- The school nurse marches down the hallway in her whites, looking concerned. She enters the classroom, asking if she can interrupt. One female student begins packing up her things and putting on her jacket. She gives the girl next to her a mischievous look.
- After the nurse finishes conferring with the teacher, she calls on Sloane Peterson. Well, what do you know? It's the girl that was preemptively packing up. She fakes confusion as if to say, "Who? Me?"
- Out in the hall, the nurse informs Sloane that her grandma just died. Sloane's "upset," and the nurse comforts her.
- Cut to Rooney and Grace in the office. Rooney doesn't believe the dead grandmother story. Grace tells him that Sloane spends a lot of quality time with Ferris, and Rooney requests Sloane's dad's daytime number. Just then the phone in Rooney's office rings. Why, it's Mr. Peterson, Sloane's father. Grace asks Rooney if he still wants Mr. Peterson's daytime number. She's not the sharpest pencil in the drawer. Or hairdo, as the case may be.
- Mr. Peterson asks Rooney to excuse Sloane since they have some family business to attend to. Rooney says sure; all Mr. Peterson has to do is produce the grandmother's corpse. Grace overhears and rushes into the office all like, "What?!"
- Rooney tells her it's okay; it's Ferris Bueller on the phone impersonating Mr. Peterson. He's going to set a trap. You go, Not Dirty Harry.
- The phone at Grace's desk rings. Oh, heck no—it's Ferris Bueller.
- Grace dashes backs into Rooney's office to tell him, but Rooney's on a roll, calling Mr. Peterson names, telling him that if he doesn't like their school policy, he can smooch his big ol' white butt, etc. Real classy stuff. Grace frantically tries to signal to Rooney that he needs to shut his grande yapper.
- Rooney finally asks Grace what's up, and when she says Ferris is on line two, we get a dramatic music flourish and a tight shot of Rooney, in shock. We stay on his face as he switches to line two, and Ferris brightly requests that his homework be sent home with Jeanie.
- Oh yeah, and Ferris has changed clothes again. He's suited up.
- Rooney timidly switches back to Mr. Peterson on line one. Cut to Cameron in the Bueller kitchen. He's Mr. Peterson—and "Mr. Peterson" is ticked. Cameron, on the other hand, is enjoying himself as he toys with Rooney.
- Ferris enters the kitchen in his suit and does his best James Bond impression. Cameron's worried they're going to get busted, but Ferris assures him he's doing splendidly. Then they get into an argument about how they should handle picking up Sloane—e.g., if she should be alone, or if that's too suspicious. Ferris thinks Cameron's making them sound too suspicious and smacks the phone out of Cameron's hand. Then he kicks him in the butt.
- Cameron, he of the suddenly sore derriere, tells Ferris not to ask him to participate in his "stupid crap" if he's going to treat him badly. Then he tells Ferris he's out and he's going home. Ferris apologizes for losing his temper.
- Cut to Rooney racing down the hallway, but pausing to walk by every classroom window. You know how it goes, Shmooper.
- Back to Cameron and Ferris. Ferris asks Cameron for a favor since Cameron did kind of screw up on the phone with Rooney.
- Cut to the garage at Cameron's house. It's just like the garage at your parents' house—if your parents' garage is all glass, a couple of stories off the ground, surrounded by woodlands, and home to more than one really expensive sports car.
- Cameron and Ferris eye a gorgeous red convertible sports car. Cameron explains that this 1961 Ferrari 250GT California is the love of his dad's life. Ferris wants to borrow it. The two young men go back and forth over whether or not they should take it out for the day. Cameron's afraid of what will happen if they get caught and claims that his dad knows the mileage. Ferris says they'll take off whatever miles they put on, perhaps by driving it backward. Cameron laughs sarcastically, but Ferris is already slowing pulling the Ferrari out of the garage. He instructs Cameron to live a little and Cameron finally relents. He performs the sign of the cross and walks to the car. Amen.