Menelaus's Conversations
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Who’s got the best brother in the world? Me! That’s who.
Hey, he rounded up all of Greece to avenge my honor after your sister ran off with that pretty boy.
Yeah, and he sacrificed our daughter, Iphigenia, so that you could have your stupid revenge.
Curse the house of Atreus! It was a dark day when you two showed up in Sparta! I wish Helen and I had never met you and your disgusting brother.
Agamemnon says that all of Elysium ought to show up tomorrow for the Veterans of the Trojan War Parade that we’re organizing.
What else would you expect from these two? They ordered that my body be left for the dogs. What kind of awful person does that?
Ajax, you went insane and slaughtered a bunch of sheep thinking it was Agamemnon, Odysseus, and me!
All of you out there making fun of that YouTube video of me and Agamemnon singing “Call Me Maybe” can just shut up. It’s a good song, okay?
Seriously.
I hope everybody was listening to Paris’ radio show yesterday when I called in. If not, just know that he truly revealed what a sniveling little turd-monkey he is.
Hasn’t there been enough fighting? You brutish Greeks demolished my hometown, killed all the men, slaughtered our children, enslaved our women, and had your way with them...
Oh cool, you’re going to get this chick to stand up for you again? Like when she swooped you away on the battlefield right when I was about to skewer you.
I think I just threw up in my mouth.