Interview with Menelaus
We definitely feel a little bad for Menelaus sometimes. Sure, he was kind of a brute, but man did that wife of his give him some trouble. Shmoop’s crack team of P.I.s recently hacked into his texts, showing that his marital problems haven’t stopped even in the Underworld.
Menelaus’ Texts
Helen
July 25 10:00 P.M.
Where are you?
July 25 10:15 P.M.
Helen?
July 25 10:30 P.M.
I will launch a thousand ships
to find you. You know I’ll do
it.
July 25 11:00 P.M
HELEN!
Chill.
Where are you at?!
Elysium Casino.
Why didn’t you answer my
txts?
Loud in here. Didn’t hear phone.
CHILL!
Who r u with?
The girls.
Which girls? Why are your
texts so short?
Dido is here. Aeneas is chasing
her around. Sooo funny.
Queen Persephone is here with
Hecate, making some kind of
documentary. Iris showed up
with the Harpies. You know
they’re not really so bad, despite
how ugly they are. There…are you
happy? Was that a long enough
text for you?
Don’t believe you. You’d
never hang out with Harpies.
Hey, we were all born from eggs.
We’ve got more in common than you’d think.
Iris says her husband is texting the crap out
of her, too. Get a life!
I’m dead. We both are.
Whatevs
Come home now.
Helen?
HELEN!
Eros
July 25 12:30 P.M.
Hey, buddy boy. My Mom
told me not to tell you, but
I couldn’t resist. Just want
you to know that you are
currently being punished
for being rude to her on your
Fb waffle.
*wall
Punished how?
Let’s just say Paris showed
up at the casino tonight, and
my magic arrows of love did
their work all over again.
KILL!KILL!KILL!KILL!
:-) LOL
Helen
July 25 1:30 A.M.
Still there?
About to leave. The Harpies
started pooping on everything.
Maybe they aren’t so great.
Who are you with?
Nobody. Leaving now.
Who are you with?
You know, if you didn’t act like
this, maybe I never would’ve
run off with Paris to begin
with. It wasn’t my infidelity
that caused the Trojan War.
It was yr jelly beans!
?
*jealousy
Why can’t you trust me? It’s
been thousands of years!
I’m outside. I see his chariot
in the parking lot. I know
you’re with him.
Um...I can explain...
There will be WAR.