How It All Goes Down
- One morning, the Bennet girls decide to walk into Meryton when they see some zombies stumble out from the woods.
- The girls shoot at the first few zombies, but they spare a zombie woman holding an undead baby, and she shuffles away without bothering them. It's creepy.
- In Meryton, Elizabeth finds Mr. Wickham, and he explains that he avoided the ball at Netherfield so he wouldn't have any unpleasant run-in with Mr. Darcy. He wouldn't have wanted a duel to the death to ruin everyone's nice evening out.
- Back at Longbourn, Jane gets a letter. It's from Caroline Bingley.
- Seems everyone at Netherfield is headed back to London.
- Caroline also says that her brother is looking forward to seeing Georgiana Darcy because he totally has a crush on her. Caroline is hoping to hear wedding bells soon.
- Jane is pretty upset, but Elizabeth thinks that Caroline is just being catty and jealous. She also suggests that Jane cut Caroline's throat once and for all and end this nonsense.
- Charlotte Lucas is still being super nice to Mr. Collins—too nice, in fact. She's actually hoping that he'll ask him to marry her before he leaves town on Saturday.
- After falling out of love with Elizabeth, Mr. Collins heads over to Lucas Lodge to propose to Charlotte. She accepts but decides she needs to tell Elizabeth about her upcoming wedding plans face to face.
- Elizabeth is a little stunned, but she can't really blame Charlotte, who is 27 and unmarried. What's a spinster in a zombie-ridden wasteland to do?
- But Charlotte has another reason for getting hitched: she's been stricken with the zombie plague.
- Turns out that Charlotte was walking to Longbourn on Wednesday and was bitten by a zombie hiding under an overturned carriage.
- Charlotte knows she doesn't have long left now, but with a husband, her final months can be happy, and Mr. Collins will make sure she has a proper Christian beheading and burial.
- It's kind of sweet, in a way.
- Obviously, the whole Mr. Collins-is-going-to-marry-Charlotte thing does not go over well with Mrs. Bennet.
- But Elizabeth just feels bad for Charlotte—she's about to turn into a zombie. Elizabeth ought to go over to Lucas Lodge right now and put her out of her misery, but she promised her friend, and a lady's word is sacred.
- So Mr. Collins heads back home, only to return to Longbourn two weeks later to get married, which puts Mrs. Bennet in a mood. Let's not even mention the fact that Mr. Bingley is gone and doesn't seem to be coming back to sweep Jane off her feet. What's up with the marriageable young men in this part of the country?
- Mostly, Mrs. Bennet just hates the sight of Charlotte Lucas. After all, now Charlotte is the one who's going to be mistress of Longbourn.
- Well, with any luck, Mr. Bennet tells his wife, Mr. Collins will be ripped to pieces by a horde of zombies before he dies.
- We can only hope.
- Finally, another letter from Caroline Bingley comes. There isn't much good news in it.
- Caroline goes on and on about Georgiana Darcy and how great she is. Ugh.
- Elizabeth tries to tell Jane that Caroline is playing her, but Jane won't listen.
- Mrs. Bennet won't stop harping on the subject, of course.
- Even Mr. Bennet wonders when Elizabeth will find a little romance of her own—you know, when she's not slaying the hordes of undead that roam the countryside.
- Will Elizabeth remain merely a bride of death forever?
- At Christmas, Mrs. Bennet's brother, Mr. Gardiner, and his brother's wife come to spend the holiday at Longbourn.
- Mrs. Bennet wastes no time telling her sister-in-law all the awful things that have been happening in the past few weeks. Five daughters who still aren't married—the horror.
- When Mrs. Gardiner talks privately to Elizabeth, she mentions that she could take Jane to London with her when they go back.
- Maybe Jane and Mr. Bingley could cross paths there…even if the city is towering fortress, quarantined into sections to keep out the dreadfuls.
- One evening during the Gardiners' stay, Mr. Wickham stops by Longbourn for dinner and talks with Mrs. Gardiner all about growing up at Pemberley under the care of Old Mr. Darcy.
- Turns out Mrs. Gardiner grown up near there, too. She loves all Mr. Wickham's stories about the terrible and arrogant Mr. Darcy, even though she's never actually met the guy.