How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Paragraph)
Quote #1
Just as Einar was about to beg them to leave the studio, to let him change out of the dress in peace, Greta said, her voice soft and careful and unfamiliar, "Why don't we call you Lili?" (1.67)
This is the "birth" of Lili, when Einar tries on Anna's dress. A lot of the credit for Lili's birth belongs to Greta because she names this aspect of Einar's identity. Without a name, his desire to become Lili may not have become as fully formed.
Quote #2
When she was a little girl, she used to write over and over in her penmanship notebook, "Greta Greta Greta," deliberately leaving off the "Waud" as if to test what it would be like to be plain old Greta—something no one ever called her. (2.6)
Einar and Lili aren't (isn't?) the only character(s) with an identity crisis. Greta also wants to establish her own identity, independent of her family name. That's why she moves as far from California as possible. It's not quite changing genders, but it's still a long journey.
Quote #3
A man confounded by a body that no longer worked for him. (3.1)
If you think this quote is about Einar and Lili, you're wrong—it's actually Einar thinking about his father, who is ill. But the same quote could apply to Einar as an adult. His gender confusion also places him in "a body that no longer work[s] for him."