How It All Goes Down
- Two policemen are in a gunfight against a hobo with a shotgun who doesn't want to go back to prison.
- Instead of waiting for backup, one of the cops decides to make a run for the ditch so he can surround the crazy hobo.
- His partner isn't very good at covering him. The gun gets shot right out of his hand.
- The hobo then blows a chunk out of the other cop, who we learn is named Rick.
- The next thing we know, Rick wakes up by himself in a hospital bed.
- He takes out his breathing tubes and tries to walk, using his IV stand as support.
- When he falls, he bangs on the call button and screams for a nurse… but no one comes.
- Maybe this hospital doesn't accept his insurance.
- Rick pulls out his IV and finds his clothes in a drawer, so he doesn't have to wander the halls with his rear end hanging out of his hospital gown.
- The hospital's totally empty. Rick wonders aloud, "Did everyone just decide to take a break at the same time?!"
- He takes the elevator, and when the doors open, a rotten corpse falls into the elevator facing Rick. Everyone knows it's rude to face the back of the elevator.
- Rick approaches the cafeteria door, which has been boarded shut. The food in there must be really bad.
- He unbars the door, opens it, and discovers almost twenty dead bodies.
- And some of the dead bodies are still moving.
- They move toward him and Rick runs, telling them to get away from him.
- Being zombies, they don't listen. They pursue him to the stair well. (In case of zombie outbreak, do not take the elevator.)
- One of the zombies falls down the stairs with Rick, and his head snaps off. The zombie's head, not Rick's.
- Rick makes it outside, where the grass is super tall. Either the hospital fell behind on their landscaping, or Rick was unconscious for a long time.
- He tries to get in a car, but it's locked.
- He finds a bike, but there's a disgusting, mostly rotten corpse lying next to it.
- The corpse tries to talk to Rick. "Guk" (55) it says. "Guh" (57). "Gar" (59).
- Rick picks up the bicycle, but he collapses into the street and cries.