"Don't Be an Asshole" Explained in Easy-to-Understand Terms
- It all started the day last year's idiot therapist, Dr. Marston, decided to make a public issue of Cheryl's sexual abuse issues by writing them on the white board with the rest of the day's agenda.
- When Cheryl walked in and saw it, she ran into Dr. Marston, who got coffee all over her blouse. He offered to take her home so she could change, leaving the rest of the Madmen alone.
- The Madmen decided that Harris and Tierden's tormenting of Cheryl had to stop. They decided to all meet that night at Pongo's, one of the local hangouts where Bonny and Darla work, to discuss the situation.
- Two days later, Paul and Karl went to New Life, a coffeehouse run by a local youth minister. It was supposed to be a place where students could stay out of trouble and get religion, but the public phone there actually ended up just attracting drug dealers.
- Darla called New Life and recited a scripted bit the group had come up with—that two jerks left her a 15-cent tip at Pongo's after tying up her table for three hours. Karl suggested that she talk to Reverend Dave, the youth minister, about the situation.
- Karl engaged The Rev about his poor, lost friend's tendency to call him and ask ridiculous questions. That night, the question was why God lets bad stuff happen to good people.
- Reverend Dave really got going on this topic, and Paul and Karl just sat back and served as an audience.
- Meanwhile, down the street at Dairy Queen, Squid and Danny accosted Harris and Tierden in Harris's car while they were doing drugs, dragging them out and beating them up.
- With the mission accomplished, Squid and Danny left them and headed for New Life.
- It gets better. Danny and Squid called New Life from a payphone so Karl could talk to "her" and explain the problem of pain with Dave hovering over his shoulder. Meanwhile, Danny and Squid hung up and came inside to play pool.
- Danny and Squid, as a result, had an alibi when Tierden and Harris inevitably told on them. Not only that, but so did Karl and Paul—Reverend Dave was more than happy to relate their conversation about why God allows pain.
- When Principal Emerson got wind of all this, he knew it was too good, and since his wife was the cheerleading coach, he also knew those guys had been harassing Cheryl. Even more, he knew the Madmen stuck together.
- Still, the plan was so good that he couldn't prove something different had happened. And, Harris and Tierden left Cheryl alone.
- In exchange for listening to this epic story, Marti asks Karl, who has to hang around McDonald's until it's time to clock out, if she can tell him some more of her own experiences.
- Basically, Marti has lived all over the place, never staying anywhere long enough to make friends. Her dad lost his last job because he wouldn't put his name on some report due to ethical issues and the whole situation is classified.
- Meanwhile, Marti's mom was a 16-year-old dropout waitress when she got with Marti's dad and subsequently brought Marti onto the scene.
- Earlier that year, Marti had a nervous breakdown due to the stress of her dad making her be a genius, and her therapist suggested she go someplace normal and live a normal life.
- Finally, it's time to clock out. Marti and Karl talk about the unfortunate fact of their moms being friends and discuss possibilities of what might be wrong with Paul.
- As a result of this late night McDonald's talk, Karl decides he can trust Marti with the details of Operation Be Normal. This turns out to be a bad idea. After hearing the tales of the Madmen's loyalty, she can't understand why he would want to throw away great friends.
- She's mad, but she'd promised him a ride home and follows through on it.